FullReads

“Know her, Madam, not only do I know and love her, but the whole country loves her. She is a saint, Madam, that the good Lord only allows to live in this world because if she was transferred there would be no standard left.”

“Yes, but then you had considerable cause. The hired girl next door–she sat next to my daughter–said she didn’t blame you a mite.” (Somebody was on my side, anyhow.) “Now come in to supper.”

The next morning I was up at dawn: I had to get up at dawn because the omnibus made only one trip to the station, to catch the seven-o’clock train. I went by the eight-ten, but a little thing like that never makes any difference in Sheffield.

When the omnibus arrived it came on runners. Closer examination from the window of the cosey room–the bedroom was even more delightful–revealed a square furniture van covered on the outside with white canvas, the door being in the middle, like a box-car. I bade the dear old lady and her daughter good-by, opened the hall door and stood on the top step. The driver, a stout, fat-faced fellow, looked up with an inquiring glance.

“Nice morning,” I cried in my customary cheerful tone–the dear woman had wrought the change.

“You bet! Got over your mad?”

The explosion had evidently been heard all over the village.

“Yes,” I laughed, as I crawled in beside two other passengers.

“You was considerable het up last night, so Si was tellin’ me,” remarked the passenger, helping me with one bag.

I nodded. Who Si might be was not of special interest, and then again the subject had now lost its inflammatory feature.

The woman made no remark; she was evidently one of the secretaries.

“Well, by gum, if they had left me where they left you last night, and you a plumb stranger, I’d rared and pitched a little myself,” continued the man. “When you come again–“

“Come again! Not by a–“

“Oh, yes, you will. You did them Hard-shells a lot of good! You just bet your bottom dollar they’ll look out for the next one of you fellows that comes up here!”

The woman continued silent. She would have something to say about any return visit of mine, and she intended to say it out loud if the time ever came!

The station now loomed into sight. I sprang out and tried the knob. I knew all about that knob–every twist and turn of it.

“Locked again!” I shouted, “and I’ve got to wait here an hour in this–“

“Hold on–hold on–” shouted back the driver. “Don’t break loose again. I got the key.”

My mail a week later brought me a county paper containing this statement: “The last lecturer, owing to some error on the part of the committee, was not met at the train and was considerably vexed. He said so to the audience and to the committee. Everybody was satisfied with his talk until they heard what they had to pay for it. He also said that he had left his dress suit in his trunk. If what we hear is true, he left his manners with it.” On reflection, the editor was right–I had.