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He looked at her with surpassing gloom. “No–that again is one of the most dreadful features. You’ll positively like it–what’s to come. You’ll be caught up in a chariot of fire like the prophet– wasn’t there, was there one?–of old. That’s exactly why–if one could but have done it–you’d have been to be kept ignorant and helpless. There’s something or other in Latin that says it’s the finest things that change the most easily for the worse. You already enjoy your dishonour and revel in your shame. It’s too late–you’re lost!”

CHAPTER VI

All this was as pleasant a manner of passing the time as any other, for it didn’t prevent his old-world corner from closing round him more entirely, nor stand in the way of his making out from day to day some new source as well as some new effect of its virtue. He was really scared at moments at some of the liberties he took in talk–at finding himself so familiar; for the great note of the place was just that a certain modern ease had never crossed its threshold, that quick intimacies and quick oblivions were a stranger to its air. It had known in all its days no rude, no loud invasion. Serenely unconscious of most contemporary things, it had been so of nothing so much as of the diffused social practice of running in and out. Granger held his breath on occasions to think how Addie would run. There were moments when, more than at others, for some reason, he heard her step on the staircase and her cry in the hall. If he nevertheless played freely with the idea with which we have shown him as occupied it wasn’t that in all palpable ways he didn’t sacrifice so far as mortally possible to stillness. He only hovered, ever so lightly, to take up again his thread. She wouldn’t hear of his leaving her, of his being in the least fit again, as she said, to travel. She spoke of the journey to London- -which was in fact a matter of many hours–as an experiment fraught with lurking complications. He added then day to day, yet only hereby, as he reminded her, giving other complications a larger chance to multiply. He kept it before her, when there was nothing else to do, that she must consider; after which he had his times of fear that she perhaps really would make for him this sacrifice.

He knew she had written again to Paris, and knew he must himself again write–a situation abounding for each in the elements of a plight. If he stayed so long why then he wasn’t better, and if he wasn’t better Addie might take it into her head–! They must make it clear that he WAS better, so that, suspicious, alarmed at what was kept from her, she shouldn’t suddenly present herself to nurse him. If he was better, however, why did he stay so long? If he stayed only for the attraction the sense of the attraction might be contagious. This was what finally grew clearest for him, so that he had for his mild disciple hours of still sharper prophecy. It consorted with his fancy to represent to her that their young friend had been by this time unsparingly warned; but nothing could be plainer than that this was ineffectual so long as he himself resisted the ordeal. To plead that he remained because he was too weak to move was only to throw themselves back on the other horn of their dilemma. If he was too weak to move Addie would bring him her s
trength–of which, when she got there, she would give them specimens enough. One morning he broke out at breakfast with an intimate conviction. They’d see that she was actually starting– they’d receive a wire by noon. They didn’t receive it, but by his theory the portent was only the stronger. It had moreover its grave as well as its gay side, since Granger’s paradox and pleasantry were only the method most open to him of conveying what he felt. He literally heard the knell sound, and in expressing this to Miss Wenham with the conversational freedom that seemed best to pay his way he the more vividly faced the contingency. He could never return, and though he announced it with a despair that did what might be to make it pass as a joke, he saw how, whether or no she at last understood, she quite at last believed him. On this, to his knowledge, she wrote again to Addie, and the contents of her letter excited his curiosity. But that sentiment, though not assuaged, quite dropped when, the day after, in the evening, she let him know she had had a telegram an hour before.