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“Listen, daddy,” said he. “Dost thou wish to know the whole truth? When I had taken the communion, thou wilt remember, and still held the particle[26] in my mouth, suddenly he (and that was in the church, in the broad daylight!) stood in front of me, just as though he had sprung out of the ground, and whispered to me … (but he had never spoken to me before)–whispered: ‘Spit it out, and grind it to powder!’ I did so; I spat it out, and ground it under foot. And now it must be that I am lost forever, for every sin shall be forgiven, save the sin against the Holy Spirit….”

FOOTNOTE:
[26]
That is, the particle of bread dipped in
the wine, which is placed in the mouth by the
priest with the sacramental spoon. –TRANSLATOR.

And having uttered these dreadful words, my son threw himself back on the platform and I dropped down on the floor of the hut…. My legs failed me….

Father Alexyei paused for a moment, and covered his eyes with his hand.

But why should I weary you longer [he went on], and myself? My son and I dragged ourselves home, and there he soon afterward expired, and I lost my Yasha. For several days before his death he neither ate nor drank, but kept running back and forth in the room and repeating that there could be no forgiveness for his sin…. But he never saw him again. “He has ruined my soul,” he said; “and why should he come any more now?” And when Yakoff took to his bed, he immediately sank into unconsciousness, and thus, without repentance, like a senseless worm, he went from this life to life eternal….

But I will not believe that the Lord judged harshly….

And among other reasons why I do not believe it is, that he looked so well in his coffin; he seemed to have grown young again and resembled the Yakoff of days gone by. His face was so tranquil and pure, his hair curled in little rings, and there was a smile on his lips. Marfa Savishna came to look at him, and said the same thing. She encircled him all round with flowers, and laid flowers on his heart, and set up the gravestone at her own expense.

And I was left alone…. And that is why, my dear sir, you have beheld such great grief on my face…. It will never pass off—and it cannot.

I wanted to speak a word of comfort to Father Alexyei … but could think of none. We parted soon after.