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Yakoff answered me with a grateful letter. “Thou hast rejoiced me, dear father,” said he. “It is my intention to devote myself to the profession of learning, and I have some protection; I shall enter the university and become a doctor, for I feel a strong bent for science.” I read Yashka’s letter and became sadder than before; but I did not share my grief with any one. My old woman caught a severe cold about that time and died–from that same cold, or the Lord took her to Himself because He loved her, I know not which. I used to weep and weep because I was a lonely widower–but what help was there for that?[21] So it had to be, you know. And I would have been glad to go into the earth … but it is hard … it will not open. And I was expecting my son; for he had notified me: “Before I go to Moscow,” he said, “I shall look in at home.” And he did come to the parental roof, but did not remain there long. It seemed as though something were urging him on; he would have liked, apparently, to fly on wings to Moscow, to his beloved university! I began to question him as to his doubts. “What was the cause of them?” I asked. But I did not get much out of him. One idea had pushed itself into his head, and that was the end of it! “I want to help my neighbours,” he said.–Well, sir, he left me. I don’t believe he took a penny with him, only a few clothes. He had such reliance on himself! And not without reason. He passed an excellent examination, matriculated as student, obtained lessons in private houses…. He was very strong on the ancient languages! And what think you? He took it into his head to send me money. I cheered up a little,–not on account of the money, of course,–I sent that back to him, and even scolded him; but I cheered up because I saw that the young fellow would make his way in the world. But my rejoicing did not last long….

FOOTNOTE:
[21]
Parish priests (the White Clergy) must marry
before they are ordained sub-deacon, and are not allowed
to remarry in the Holy Catholic Church of the East.
–TRANSLATOR.

He came to me for his first vacation…. And, what marvel is this? I do not recognise my Yakoff! He had grown so tiresome and surly,–you couldn’t get a word out of him. And his face had changed also: he had grown about ten years older. He had been taciturn before, there’s no denying that! At the slightest thing he would grow shy and blush like a girl…. But when he raised his eyes, you could see that all was bright in his soul! But now it was quite different. He was not shy, but he held aloof, like a wolf, and was always looking askance. He had neither a smile nor a greeting for any one–he was just like a stone! If I undertook to interrogate him, he would either remain silent or snarl. I began to wonder whether he had taken to drink–which God forbid!–or had conceived a passion for cards; or whether something in the line of a weakness for women had happened to him. In youth love-longings act powerfully,–well, and in such a large city as Moscow bad examples and occasions are not lacking. But no; nothing of that sort was discernible. His drink was kvas[22] and water; he never looked at the female sex–and had no intercourse with people in general. And what was most bitter of all to me, he did not have his former confidence in me; a sort of indifference had made its appearance, just as though everything belonging to him had become loathsome to him. I turned the conversation on the sciences, on the university, but even there could get no real answer. He went to church, but he was not devoid of peculiarities there also; everywhere he was grim and scowling, but in church he seemed always to be grinning.