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PAGE 3

Extracts From Noah’s Log
by [?]

Fri., 32 days out. Have had a lively time; discipline is restored, but the whiskey jug is gone–smashed over my head–all on account of the pugs; had hoped to rid the world of these parodies on the canine race, and would have succeeded if my wife hadn’t overhauled my pockets when I was asleep and read this log. Certain references to the pugs put her on the lookout and she and the other women watched me; one of the brutes littered that night; I couldn’t resist the temptation, and so fed the whole batch, mother and all, to the lion; in a minute had four furious women afoul of me, biting and clawing; sung out for help, and Shem and Japheth bore down and rescued me; Ham helped the women and made a majority for them; his mother had the jug, that’s why; managed to floor him with a pump-brake, but they were still too many for us and chased us around decks till they got tired and sat down to cry; got to my room and began writing them down in the log when they started in again; my wife smashed the whiskey jug over my head–then we all escaped on deck and went aloft; couldn’t follow us, but sat down and said things–Had a council of war, then Shem shinned over to the foremast and cut away all the jib halliards and sheets and halliards on the fore–Ark had broached to in trough sea when Japheth left the wheel to help me, and had laid there with yards square and rolling considerable; women could stand that motion, but not a head sea, so now when she came up to the wind and began pounding up and down and drifting astern, they got qualmish and in twenty minutes were sprawled out helpless; Ham didn’t know enough to take the wheel and throw her off, so we came down, tied the women hand and foot, and then went for Ham; triced him up and rope’s-ended him till his nose bled; begged and howled, but had to take it and learn that mutiny is unsafe aboard my ship–Kept her head to the sea till we had spliced and rove off the gear, then set canvas and squared away again–Women got better; read the articles to them; were penitent and promised to behave, but before turning them loose we went on a pug hunt and passed two of them in to the lion; only one left now, but we haven’t found it yet; women howled a good deal and called us heartless, cruel fiends–that’s all right.

My wife had lost the log-book in her excitement, and I only found it to-day.

Course N. E. by E. Shem at the wheel. Jap. on the lookout.

Sun., 34 days out. No religious services to-day; women are talking about me–don’t talk to me; if they do, I’ll speak of that jug.

Course due E. Blowing fresh. J. at the wheel, S. on lookout.

Mon., 35 days out. Wash day, but there is no washing going on; won’t have it; am captain here; they were ugly at first, but I hauled her on a wind and said nothing; can’t find that pug–Keep Ham at work on the menagerie now, feeding the animals and cleaning the cages–Dead calm.

Wed., 37 days out. Nothing new; pug still missing; good mind to turn the lion loose; he’ll find the cur.

Fri., 39 days out. If I don’t find that pug to-day, will let the lion out first thing to-morrow.

Sat., 40 days out. Stopped raining–We all went on deck this morning; it was a frightful picture–sun shining, not a cloud in the sky and not a sign of land nor ship, nor even a bird, in all this expanse of desolation; no life nor joyousness, nothing but muddy water; the dead world fathoms underneath, and we alone, with our ark, all that was left; and whiskey gone–not a shot in the locker.