FullReads

Course due E. Shem at the wheel, Ham on the lookout.

Fri., 11 days out. Foggy; can’t see two lengths; two of us on the lookout–Ham is under the scuttlebutt, drunk; whiskey lower; slight connection here, maybe–Women are quarreling among themselves; they’re a heap of trouble; never quiet till they’re seasick; found out they get seasick in a head sea; will remember this–The lion got out last night and made a lunch out of my wife’s pet dog Beauty; chased him back to his cage with a handspike; sorry I had to hurt him; seven pugs left now; we started with a pair to each woman.

No wind and nobody at the wheel.

Sat., 12 days out. Wish it would clear up; sinners must be all dead by this time–Have had a hard day of it; that boy Ham let go the port anchor, and the whole range of chain, 45 fathoms, went out the hawse-pipe and fetched up with a jerk that carried away the windlass bitts and nearly tore the bows off her; kicked him up on deck in the rain while we mended the windlass; hunted him up to help heave in chain and found he’d sneaked down, got at my jug, and was dead drunk alongside the same; don’t see what the Lord wanted to save him for–Must be clear of soundings now, so will keep her hove to for a while under short sail, with the wheel lashed down.

Sun., 13 days out. Held religious exercises at 4 bells; Ham attended, very devout and penitent, with a head as big as the jug–Women have tricked themselves out and are mincing around showing off; made me put on a white shirt; will get rid of it directly–Dead calm all day–Found the ark had a slight list to starboard; investigated, and discovered about three tons of stones, dead cats, and garbage stuck fast to the pitch outside; these things are what the sinners threw at the ark after we came aboard–Have locked up my whiskey.

Wed., 16 days out. Made a great mistake when we started; was puzzled how to feed the spiders, mosquitoes, bedbugs, and such; turned them loose to hustle for themselves, and that’s what they’ve done ever since–Another pug disappeared last night; six left; gave Ham a talking to about getting drunk; was sassy and I boxed his ears; told him if I ever saw him drunk again aboard my ship I’d log him; he don’t seem to care, but that’s what I’ll do every time–Still hove to.

Sun., 20 days out. Ham broke into my locker last night, and is roaring drunk again; can’t find the jug; will log him every time now–No religious exercises to-day; women are complaining of my impiety, but a man can’t feel resigned when he has just lost a four-gallon jug of the best Egyptian corn whiskey.

Mon., 21 days out. Ham’s drunk.

Tues., 22 days out. Ditto’s ditto.

Wed., 23 days out. Do. do.

Thurs., 24 days out. Do. blind do.

Fri., 25 days out. Do. dead do.

Sat., 26 days out. Do. got snakes; got ’em bad; wish I could find that jug.

Sun., 27 days out. Two more pugs missing; must keep away from the lion’s cage when the women are around; he seems too pleased to see me, and they are getting suspicious; four of the ugly brutes left now–found my jug; Ham stowed it in my own bunk; he’s smarter than I thought–Had religious exercises; women wanted to mourn for their pugs; am willing they should mourn–Took a cast of the lead at noon; thirty fathoms, mud bottom; made sail and squared away due E.

Mon., 28 days out. My wife has confiscated the jug and means to keep it; we’ll see about that; says it is the cause of poor, dear Ham’s sickness; undoubtedly; should have let it alone–Shem at the wheel, Japheth on the lookout.

Course E.

Wed., 30 days out. Mutiny! Bloody Mut—- d—-n! —-!! (Note–Here the manuscript bears evidence that Captain Noah was suddenly interrupted while writing.–Translator.)