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Elder Pill, Preacher
by
“Meeting begun yet?”
“Nope!”
“What kind of a time y’ havin’ over here, any way?”
“A mighty solumn time,” somebody would reply with a low laugh.
By seven o’clock every inch of space was occupied; the air was frightful. The kerosene lamps gave off gas and smoke, the huge stove roared itself into an angry red on its jack-oak grubs, and still people crowded in at the door.
Discussion waxed hot as the stove; two or three Universalists boldly attacked everybody who came their way. A tall man stood on a bench in the corner, and, thumping his Bible wildly with his fist, exclaimed, at the top of his voice:–
“There is no hell at all! The Bible says the wicked perish utterly. They are consumed as ashes when they die. They perish as dogs!”
“What kind o’ docterin’ is that?” asked a short man of Councill.
“I d’know. It’s ol’ Sam Richards. Calls himself a Christian–Christadelphian ‘r some new-fangled name.”
At last people began to inquire, “Well, ain’t he comin’?”
“Most time f’r the Elder to come, ain’t it?”
“Oh, I guess he’s preparin’ a sermon.”
John Jennings pushed anxiously to Daddy Brown.
“Ain’t the Elder comin’?”
“I d’know. He didn’t stay at my house.”
“He didn’t?”
“No. Thought he went home with you.”
“I ain’t see ‘im ‘t all. I’ll ask Councill. Brother Councill, seen anything of the Elder?”
“No. Didn’t he go home with Bensen?”
“I d’n know. I’ll see.”
This was enough to start the news that “Pill had skipped.”
This the deacons denied, saying “he’d come or send word.”
Outside, on the leeward side of the house, the young men who couldn’t get in stood restlessly, now dancing a jig, now kicking their huge boots against the underpinning to warm their toes. They talked spasmodically as they swung their arms about their chests, speaking from behind their huge buffalo-coat collars.
The wind roared through the creaking oaks; the horses stirred complainingly, the bells on their backs crying out querulously; the heads of the fortunates inside were shadowed outside on the snow, and the restless young men amused themselves betting on which head was Bensen and which Councill.
At last some one pounded on the desk inside. The suffocating but lively crowd turned with painful adjustment toward the desk, from whence Deacon Bensen’s high, smooth voice sounded:–
“Brethren an’ sisters, Elder Pill hain’t come–and, as it’s about eight o’clock, he probably won’t come to-night. After the disturbances last night, it’s–a–a–we’re all the more determined to–the–a–need of reforming grace is more felt than ever. Let us hope nothing has happened to the Elder. I’ll go see to-morrow, and if he is unable to come–I’ll see Brother Wheat, of Cresco. After prayer by Brother Jennings, we will adjourn till to-morrow night. Brother Jennings, will you lead us in prayer?” (Some one snickered.) “I hope the disgraceful–a–scenes of last night will not be repeated.”
“Where’s Pill?” demanded a voice in the back part of the room. “That’s what I want to know.”
“He’s a bad pill,” said another, repeating a pun already old.
“I guess so! He borrowed twenty dollars o’ me last week,” said the first voice.
“He owes me for a pig,” shouted a short man, excitedly. “I believe he’s skipped to get rid o’ his debts.”
“So do I. I allus said he was a mighty queer preacher.”
“He’d bear watchin’ was my idee fust time I ever see him.”
“Careful, brethren–careful. He may come at any minute.”
“I don’t care if he does. I’d bone him f’r pay f’r that shote, preacher ‘r no preacher,” said Bartlett, a little nervously.
High words followed this, and there was prospect of a fight. The pressure of the crowd, however, was so great it was well-nigh impossible for two belligerents to get at each other. The meeting broke up at last, and the people, chilly, soured, and disappointed at the lack of developments, went home saying Pill was scaly; no preacher who chawed terbacker was to be trusted, and when it was learned that the horse and buggy he drove he owed Jennings and Bensen for, everybody said, “He’s a fraud.”