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“Jest imagine the feelinks uv the mother!” says Lem, sad like.

“Jest imagine the feelinks uv the baby,” says Dock. “How’d you like to be lyin’ helpless in a crib with a big rat gnawin’ your ear?”

Wall, all this conversation wuz fur from pleasant to those two wimmin in the front seat, fur wimmin love babies ‘nd hate rats, you know. It wuz nuts fur Dock ‘nd Lem to see the two wimmin squirm, ‘nd all the way to Peory they didn’t talk about nuthink but snakes ‘nd spiders ‘nd mice ‘nd caterpillers. When the train got to Peory a gentleman met the two wimmin ‘nd says to one uv ’em: “I’m ‘feered the trip hain’t done you much good, Lizzie,” says he. “Sakes alive, John,” says she, “it’s a wonder we hain’t dead, for we’ve been travellin’ forty miles with a real live Beadle dime novvell!”

‘Nuther trick Dock had wuz to walk ‘long the street behind wimmin ‘nd tell about how his sister had jest lost one uv her diamond earrings while out walkin’. Jest as soon as the wimmin heerd this they’d clap their han’s up to their ears to see if their earrings wuz all right. Dock never laffed nor let on like he wuz jokin’, but jest the same this sort uv thing tickled him nearly to de’th.

Dock went up to Chicago with Jedge Craig oncet, ‘nd when they come back the jedge said he’d never had such an offul time in all his born days. Said that Dock bought a fool Mother Goose book to read in the hoss-cars jest to queer folks; would set in a hoss-car lookin’ at the pictur’s ‘nd readin’ the verses ‘nd laffin’ like it wuz all new to him ‘nd like he wuz a child. Everybody sized him up for a’ eject, ‘nd the wimmin folks shook their heads ‘nd said it was orful fur so fine a lookin’ feller to be such a torn fool. ‘Nuther thing Dock did wuz to git hold uv a bad quarter ‘nd give it to a beggar, ‘nd then foller the beggar into a saloon ‘nd git him arrested for tryin’ to pass counterf’it money. I reckon that if Dock had stayed in Chicago a week he’d have had everybody crazy.

No, I don’t know how he come to be a medikil man. He told me oncet that when he found out that he wuzn’t good for anythink he concluded he’d be a doctor; but I reckon that wuz one uv his jokes. He didn’t have much uv a practice: he wuz too yumorous to suit most invalids ‘nd sick folks. We had him tend our boy Sam jest oncet when Sam wuz comin’ down with the measles. He looked at Sam’s tongue ‘nd felt his pulse ‘nd said he’d leave a pill for Sam to take afore goin’ to bed.

“How shell we administer the pill?” asked my wife.

“Wall,” says Dock, “the best way to do is to git the boy down on the floor ‘nd hold his mouth open ‘nd gag him till he swallers the pill. After the pill gits into his system it will explode in about ten minnits, ‘nd then the boy will feel better.”

This wuz cheerful news for the boy. No human power c’u’d ha’ got that pill into Sam. We never solicited Dock’s perfeshional services ag’in.

One time Dock ‘nd Lem Thompson drove over to Knoxville to help Dock Parsons cut a man’s leg off. About four miles out uv town ‘nd right in the middle uv the hot peraroor they met Moses Baker’s oldest boy trudgin’ along with a basket uv eggs. The Dock whoaed his hoss ‘nd called to the boy,–

“Where be you goin’ with them eggs?” says he.

“Goin’ to town to sell ’em,” says the boy.

“How much a dozen?” asked the Dock.

“‘Bout ten cents, I reckon,” says the boy.

“Putty likely-lookin’ eggs,” says the Dock; ‘nd he handed the lines over to Lem, ‘nd got out’n the buggy.