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PAGE 3

Captain Eli’s Best Ear
by [?]

Captain Cephas took his pipe from his mouth.”You’re pretty late thinkin’ about it,” said he, “fer day after to-morrow’s Christmas.”

“That don’t make no difference,” said Captain Eli.”What things
we want that are not in my house or your house we can easily get either up at the store or else in the woods.”

“In the woods!” exclaimed Captain Cephas.”What in the name of thunder do you expect to get in the woods for Christmas?”

“A Christmas tree,” said Captain Eli.”I thought it might be a nice thing to have a Christmas tree fer Christmas. Cap’n Holmes has got one, and Mother Nelson’s got another. I guess nearly everybody’s got one. It won’t cost anything–I can go and cut it.”

Captain Cephas grinned a grin, as if a great leak had been sprung in the side of a vessel, stretching nearly from stem to stern.

“A Christmas tree!” he exclaimed.”Well, I am blessed!But look here, Cap’n Eli. You don’t know what a Christmas tree’s fer. It’s fer children, and not fer grown-ups. Nobody ever does have a Christmas tree in any house where there ain’t no children.”

Captain Eli rose and stood with his back to the fire.”I didn’t think of that,” he said, “but I guess it’s so. And when I come to think of it, a Christmas isn’t much of a Christmas, anyway, without children.”

“You never had none,” said Captain Cephas, “and you’ve kept Christmas.”

“Yes,” replied Captain Eli, reflectively, “we did do it, but there was always a lackment–Miranda has said so, and I have said so.”

“You didn’t have no Christmas tree,” said Captain Cephas.

“No, we didn’t. But I don’t think that folks was as much set on Christmas trees then as they ‘pear to be now. I wonder,” he continued, thoughtfully gazing at the ceiling, “if we was to fix up a Christmas tree–and you and me’s got a lot of pretty things that we’ve picked up all over the world, that would go miles ahead of anything that could be bought at the store fer Christmas trees–if we was to fix up a tree real nice, if we couldn’t get some child or other that wasn’t likely to have a tree to come in and look at it, and stay awhile, and make Christmas more like Christmas. And then, when it went away, it could take along the things that was hangin’ on the tree, and keep ’em fer its own.”

“That wouldn’t work,” said Captain Cephas.”If you get a child into this business, you must let it hang up its stockin’ before it goes to bed, and find it full in the mornin’, and then tell it an all-fired lie about Santa Claus if it asks any questions. Most children think more of stockin’s than they do of trees–so I’ve heard, at least.”

“I’ve got no objections to stockin’s,” said Captain Eli.”If it wanted to hang one up, it could hang one up either here or in my house, wherever we kept Christmas.”

“You couldn’t keep a child all night,” sardonically remarked Captain Cephas, “and no more could I. Fer if it was to get up a croup in the night, it would be as if we was on a lee shore with anchors draggin’ and a gale a-blowin’.”

“That’s so,” said Captain Eli.”You’ve put it fair. I suppose if we did keep a child all night, we’d have to have some sort of a woman within hail in case of a sudden blow.”

Captain Cephas sniffed.”What’s the good of talkin’?” said he.”There ain’t no child, and there ain’t no woman that you could hire to sit all night on my front step or on your front step, a-waitin’ to be piped on deck in case of croup.”