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Boys Will Be Boys
by
It was felt that mental befuddlement and mortal folly could reach no greater heights–or no lower depths–than on a certain hour of a certain day, along toward the end of August, when O’Day came forth from his quarters in Gafford’s stables, wearing a pair of boots that M. Biederman’s establishment had turned out to his order and his measure–not such boots as a sensible man might be expected to wear, but boots that were exaggerated and monstrous counterfeits of the red-topped, scroll-fronted, brass-toed, stub-heeled, squeaky-soled bootees that small boys of an earlier generation possessed.
Very proudly and seemingly unconscious of or, at least, oblivious to the derisive remarks that the appearance of these new belongings drew from many persons, the owner went clumping about in them, with the rumply legs of his trousers tucked down in them, and ballooning up and out over the tops in folds which overlapped from his knee joints halfway down his attenuated calves.
As Deputy Sheriff Quarles said, the combination was a sight fit to make a horse laugh. It may be that small boys have a lesser sense of humour than horses have, for certainly the boys who were the old man’s invariable shadows did not laugh at him, or at his boots either.
Between the whiskered senior and his small comrades there existed a freemasonry that made them all sense a thing beyond the ken of most of their elders. Perhaps this was because the elders, being blind in their superior wisdom, saw neither this thing nor the communion that flourished. They saw only the farcical joke. But His Honour, Judge Priest, to cite a conspicuous exception, seemed not to see the lamentable comedy of it.
Indeed, it seemed to some almost as if Judge Priest were aiding and abetting the befogged O’Day in his demented enterprises, his peculiar excursions and his weird purchases. If he did not actually encourage him in these constant exhibitions of witlessness, certainly there were no evidences available to show that he sought to dissuade O’Day from his strange course.
At the end of a fortnight one citizen, in whom patience had ceased to be a virtue and to whose nature long-continued silence on any public topic was intolerable, felt it his duty to speak to the Judge upon the subject. This gentleman–his name was S. P. Escott–held, with others, that, for the good name of the community, steps should be taken to abate the infantile, futile activities of the besotted legatee.
Afterward Mr. Escott, giving a partial account of the conversation with Judge Priest to certain of his friends, showed unfeigned annoyance at the outcome.
“I claim that old man’s not fittin’ to be runnin’ a court any longer,” he stated bitterly. “He’s too old and peevish–that’s whut ails him! Fur one, I’m certainly not never goin’ to vote fur him again. Why, it’s gettin’ to be ez much ez a man’s life is worth to stop that there spiteful old crank on the street and put a civil question to him–that’s whut’s the matter!”
“What happened, S. P.?” inquired someone.
“Why, here’s whut happened!” exclaimed the aggrieved Mr. Escott. “I hadn’t any more than started in to tell him the whole town was talkin’ about the way that daffy Old Peep O’Day was carryin’ on, and that somethin’ had oughter be done about it, and didn’t he think it was beholdin’ on him ez circuit judge to do somethin’ right away, sech ez havin’ O’Day tuck up and tried fur a lunatic, and that I fur one was ready and willin’ to testify to the crazy things I’d seen done with my own eyes–when he cut in on me and jest ez good ez told me to my own face that ef I’d quit tendin’ to other people’s business I’d mebbe have more business of my own to tend to.
“Think of that, gentlemen! A circuit judge bemeanin’ a citizen and a taxpayer”–he checked himself slightly–“anyhow, a citizen, thataway! It shows he can’t be rational his own self. Personally I claim Old Priest is failin’ mentally–he must be! And ef anybody kin be found to run against him at the next election you gentlemen jest watch and see who gits my vote!”