PAGE 7
Blackgum Ag’in’ Thunder
by
“‘Uncommon!’ exclaimed the other. ‘Do you know what a great auk’s egg is wuth? It’s one thousand eight hundred dollars!’
“‘A car-load?’ asked Abner.
“‘Stuff!’ ejaculated Mr. Pearson. ‘It’s that much for one; and that one blowed–nothin’ but a shell–not a thing inside. And eighteen hundred dollars!’
“‘By George!’ exclaimed Abner. ‘Eighteen hundred dollars!’
“‘And that’s the lowest figure. Great auk eggs is wuth twenty-one thousand and six hundred dollars a dozen!’
“Abner rose from his chair. ‘Joe Pearson,’ he said, ‘what are you talkin’ about?’
“‘I’m talkin’ about makin’ the biggest kind of money, and if you choose to go in with me you can make big money too. I’m all correct, and I can show you the figures.’
“Abner now sat down and leaned over toward Pearson. ‘Whar’s it likely to fin’ nests?’ said he.
“‘Nests!’ exclaimed Pearson, in disdain. ‘If I could find two of ’em–fresh ones–I’d call my fortune made.’
“‘I should say so,’ said Abner, ‘sellin’ for thirty-six hundred dollars! But what is there so all-fired good about ’em to make ’em sell like that?’
“‘Scerceness,’ said Joe. ‘Apart from scerceness they ain’t no better’n any other egg. But there’s mighty few of ’em in market now, and all of them’s blowed.’
“‘And no good?’ said Abner.
“‘They say not,’ said the other. ‘For scerceness they’re better blowed than stale, which they’re bound to be if they’re kept.’
“‘But what’s your idea about ’em?’ said Abner.
“‘That’s what I’m goin’ to tell you,’ replied Pearson. ‘There’s a general notion that there ain’t no more great auks, specially hen great auks, and that’s why their eggs are so scerce. But I don’t see the p’int of that. It don’t stand to reason; for now and then somebody gets a great auk egg. If you find ’em they’ve got to be laid; and if they’re laid there’s got to be hen great auks somewhere. Now the p’int is to find out where them great auks lay. It may be a awful job to do it, but if I can do it, and get just two eggs, my fortune’s made, and yourn too.’
“‘Would you divide the thirty-six hundred dollars even?’–now very much interested.
“‘Divide!’ sneered Pearson. ‘Do you suppose I’d sell ’em? No, sir; I’d set ’em under a turkey, or perhaps a big hen. Then, sir, I’d go into the great auk business. I’d sell auk eggs, and make my fortune, and yourn too.’
“‘And young ones, if we get a lot?’
“‘No, sir!’ exclaimed Pearson. ‘Nobody’d own no auks but me. You can’t catch ’em alive. And I wouldn’t sell no eggs at all till they’d first been blowed. I’d keep the business all in my own hands. Abner, I’ve been thinkin’ a great deal about this thing. You’ve heard about the lively sixpence and the slow dollar? Well, sir, I’m goin’ to sell them auk eggs for sixteen hundred dollars, two for three thousand.'”
“John Gayther,” said the Master of the House, “you will not make me believe that you ever knew two such fools.”
“In the course of my life,” said the Old Professor, “I have known several of them.”
“Not looking for auks’ eggs?” inquired the Next Neighbor.
“Something just as impracticable,” he said.
“The North Pole, for instance,” suggested the Mistress of the House.
“I think,” said John, “they are more likely to find that than my friends were to find what they sought. But we shall see. Abner looked at his companion. ‘That would be better than ‘most any other kind of business,’ said he. ‘Where do you go to get them eggs?’
“”Way up north,’ said Pearson; ‘and the furder north you go the more likely you are to find ’em.’
“‘I don’t know about goin’ north,’ said Abner, reflectively; ‘there’s Mrs. B. to consider.’
“‘But I don’t want you to go,’ said Pearson. ‘I’m goin’ north. And when I’ve found a couple o’ auk eggs, I’ll pack ’em up nice and warm in cotton, and send ’em down to you, and have ’em hatched. That’s where your farm’ll come in. You’ve got to have a farm and turkeys or big hens if you want to raise auks. Then I’ll go on lookin’, and, most likely, I’ll get a couple more.’