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Bill Hoskins’s Coon
by
“I reckons I converses with this yere identical raccoon of Bill’s plenty frequent; when he feels blue, an’ ag’in when he’s at his gailiest, an’ he never remarks nothin’ to me except p’lite general’ties.
“If this yere Olson was a dead game party who regards himse’f wronged, he’d searched out a gun, or a knife, or mebby a club, an’ pranced over an’ rectified Bill a whole lot. But he’s too timid an’ too cowardly, an’ afraid of Bill. So to play even, he lines out to bushwhack this he’pless, oninstructed raccoon. Olson figgers to take advantage of what’s cl’arly a loop-hole in a raccoon’s constitootion.
“Mebby you never notices it about a raccoon, but once he gets interested in a pursoot, he’s rigged so he can’t quit none ontil the project’s a success. Thar’s herds an’ bands of folks an’ animals who’s fixed sim’lar. They can start, an’ they can’t let up. Thar’s bull-dogs: They begins a war too easy; but the c’pacity to quit is left out of bull-dogs entire. Same about nose-paint with gents I knows. They capers up to whiskey at the beginnin’ like a kitten to warm milk; an’ they never does cease no more. An’ that’s how the kyards falls to raccoons.
“Knowin these yere deefects in raccoons, this Olson plots to take advantage tharof; an’ by playin’ it low on Bill’s raccoon, get even with Bill about that dead hawg. Which Bill wouldn’t have took a drove of hawgs; no indeed! not the whole Fall round-up of hawgs in all of West Tennessee, an’ lose that raccoon.
“It’s when Bill’s over to Pine Knot layin’ in tobacker, an’ nose- paint an’ corn meal, an’ sech necessaries, when Olson stands in to down Bill’s pet. He goes injunnin’ over to Bill’s an’ finds the camp all deserted, except the raccoon’s thar, settin’, battin’ his eyes mournful an’ lonesome on the doorstep. This Olson camps down by the door an’ fondles the raccoon, an’ strokes his coat, an’ lets him search his pockets with his black hands ontil he gets that friendly an’ confident about Olson he’d told him anythin’. It’s then this yere miscreant, Olson, springs his game. “H’s got a couple of crawfish which he’s fresh caught at the Branch. Now raccoons regards crawfish as onusual good eatin’. For myse’f, I can’t say I deems none high of crawfish as viands, but raccoons is different; an’ the way they looks at it, crawfish is pie.
“This Olson brings out his two crawfish an’ fetchin’ ajar of water from the spring, he drops in a crawfish an’ incites an’ aggravates Zekiel–that’s the name of Bill’s raccoon–to feel in an’ get him a whole lot.
“Zekiel ain’t none shy on the play. He knows crawfish like a gambler does a red chip; so turnin’ his eyes up to the sky, like a raccoon does who’s wropped in pleasant anticipations that a-way, he plunges in his paw an’ gets it.
“Once Zekiel acquires him, the pore crawfish don’t last as long as two-bits at faro-bank. When Zekiel has him plumb devoured he turns his eyes on Olson, sorter thankful, an’ ‘waits developments.
“Olson puts in the second crawfish, an’ Zekiel takes him into camp same as t’other. It’s now that Olson onfurls his plot on Zekiel. Olson drops a dozen buckshot into the jar of water. Nacherally, Zekiel, who’s got his mind all framed up touchin’ crawfish, goes after the buckshot with his fore foot. But it’s different with buck- shot; Zekiel can’t pick ’em up. He tries an’ tries with his honest, simple face turned up to heaven, but he can’t make it. All Zekiel can do is feel ’em with his foot, an’ roll ’em about on the bottom of the jar.
“Now as I remarks prior, when a raccoon gets embarked that a-way, he can’t quit. He ain’t arranged so he can cease. Olson, who’s plumb aware tharof, no sooner gets Zekiel started on them buckshot, than knowin’ that nacher can be relied on to play her hand out, he sa’nters off to his wickeyup, leavin’ Zekiel to his fate. Bill won’t be home till Monday, an’ Olson knows that before then, onless Zekiel is interrupted, he’ll be even for that hawg Bill drops. As Olson cones to a place in the trail where he’s goin’ to lose sight of Bill’s camp, he turns an’ looks back. The picture is all his revenge can ask. Thar sets Zekiel on the doorstep, with his happy countenance turned up to the dome above, an’ his right paw elbow deep in the jar, still rollin’ an’ feelin’ them buckshot ’round, an’ allowin’ he’s due to ketch a crawfish every moment.