FullReads

Dorcas tried to answer. When she did speak, her voice sounded thin and faint, and she wondered confusedly if Phoebe could hear.

“I didn’t know–” she said. “I didn’t know–“

“Why, no, of course not!” returned Phoebe, brightly. “Nobody did. You’d have been the first, but I didn’t want the engagement talked about till auntie was better. Oh, I believe that’s his horse’s step! I’ll run out, and ride home with him. You come, too, Miss Dorcas, and just say a word!”

Dorcas loosened the girl’s arms about her, and, bending to the bright head, kissed it twice. Phoebe, grown careless in her joy, ran down the walk to stop the approaching wagon; and when she looked round, Dorcas had shut the door and gone in. She waited a moment for her to reappear, and then, remembering the doctor had had no breakfast, she stepped into the wagon, and they drove happily away.

Dorcas went to her bedroom, touching the walls, on the way, with her groping hands. She sat down on the floor there, and rested her head against a chair. Once only did she rouse herself, and that was to go into the kitchen and set away the great bowl of blanc-mange she had been making for dinner. She had not strained it all, and the sea-weed was drying on the sieve. Then she went back into the bedroom, and pulled down the green slat curtains with a shaking hand. Twice her father called her to bring his sermons, but she only answered, “Yes, father!” in dull acquiescence, and did not move. She was benumbed, sunken in a gulf of shame, too faint and cold to save herself by struggling. Her poor innocent little fictions made themselves into lurid writings on her brain. She had called him hers while another woman held his vows, and she was degraded. Her soul was wrecked as truly as if the whole world knew it, and could cry to her “Shame!” and “Shame!” The church-bells clanged out their judgment of her. A new thought awakened her to a new despair. She was not fit to teach in Sunday-school any more. Her girls, her innocent, sweet girls! There was contagion in her very breath. They must be saved from it; else when they were old women like her, some sudden vice of tainted blood might rise up in them, no one would know why, and breed disease and shame. She started to her feet. Her knees trembling under her, she ran out of the house, and hid herself behind the great lilac-bush by the gate.

Deacon Caleb Rivers came jogging past, late for church, but driving none the less moderately. His placid-faced wife sat beside him; and Dorcas, stepping out to stop them, wondered, with a wild pang of perplexity over the things of this world, if ‘Mandy Rivers had ever known the feeling of death in the soul. Caleb pulled up.

“I can’t come to Sunday-school, to-day,” called Dorcas, stridently. “You tell them to give Phoebe my class. And ask her if she’ll keep it. I sha’n’t teach any more.”

“Ain’t your father so well?” asked Mrs. Rivers, sympathetically, bending forward and smoothing her mitts. Dorcas caught at the reason.

“I sha’n’t leave him any more,” she said. “You tell ’em so. You fix it.”

Caleb drove on, and she went back into the house, shrinking under the brightness of the air which seemed to quiver so before her eyes. She went into her father’s room, where he was awake and wondering.

“Seems to me I heard the bells,” he said, in his gentle fashion. “Or have we had the ‘hymns, an’ got to the sermon?”

Dorcas fell on her knees by the bedside.

“Father,” she began, with difficulty, her cheek laid on the bedclothes beside his hand, “there was a sermon about women that are lost. What was that?”

“Why, yes,” answered the parson, rousing to an active joy in his work. “‘Neither do I condemn thee!’ That was it. You git it, Dorcas! We must remember such poor creatur’s; though, Lord be praised! there ain’t many round here. We must remember an’ pray for ’em.”

But Dorcas did not rise.

“Is there any hope for them, father?” she asked, her voice muffled. “Can they be saved?”

“Why, don’t you remember the poor creatur’ that come here an’ asked that very question because she heard I said the Lord was pitiful? Her baby was born out in the medder, an’ died the next day; an’ she got up out of her sickbed at the Poorhouse, an’ come totterin’ up here, to ask if there was any use in her sayin’, ‘Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ An’ your mother took her in, an’ laid her down on this very bed, an’ she died here. An’ your mother hil’ her in her arms when she died. You ask her if she didn’t!” The effort of continuous talking wearied him, and presently he dozed off. Once he woke, and Dorcas was still on her knees, her head abased. “Dorcas!” he said, and she answered, “Yes, father!” without raising it; and he slept again. The bell struck, for the end of service. The parson was awake. He stretched out his hand, and it trembled a moment and then fell on his daughter’s lowly head.

“The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ–” the parson said, and went clearly on to the solemn close.

“Father,” said Dorcas. “Father!” She seemed to be crying to One afar. “Say the other verse, too. What He told the woman.”

His hand still on her head, the parson repeated, with a wistful tenderness stretching back over the past,–

“‘Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more.'”