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Another Of Those Cub Reporter Stories
by
“Who is he?” I asked.
“That,” he said, with a kind of leashed and restrained ferocity in his voice, “is Major Putnam P. Stone–and the P stands for Pest, which is his middle name–late of the Southern Confederacy.”
“Picturesque-looking old fellow, isn’t he?” I said.
“Picturesque old nuisance,” he said, and jabbed at his scalp with his pencil as though he meant to puncture his skull. “Wait until you’ve been here a few weeks and you’ll have another name for him.”
“Well, anyway, he’s got a good carrying voice,” I said, rather at a loss to understand Devore’s bitterness.
“Great,” he mocked venomously; “you can hear it a mile. I hear it in my sleep. So will you when you get to know him, the old bore!”
In due time I did get to know Major Stone well. He was dignified, tiresome, conversational, gentle mannered and, I think, rather lonely. By driblets, a scrap here and a scrap there, I learned something about his private life. He came from the extreme eastern end of the state. He belonged to an old family. His grandfather–or maybe it was his great-grand-uncle–had been one of the first United States senators that went to Washington after our state was admitted into the Union. He had never married. He had no business or profession. From some property or other he drew an income, small, but enough to keep him in a sort of simple and genteel poverty. He belonged to the best club in town and the most exclusive, the Shawnee Club, and he had served four years in the Confederate army. That last was the one big thing in his life. To the major’s conceptions everything that happened before 1861 had been of a preparatory nature, leading up to and paving the way for the main event; and what had happened since 1865 was of no consequence, except in so far as it reflected the effects of the Civil War.
Daily, as methodically as a milkwagon horse, he covered the same route. First he sat in the reading room of the old Gaunt House, where by an open fire in winter or by an open window in summer he discussed the blunders of Braxton Bragg and similar congenial topics with a little group of aging, fading, testy veterans. On his way to the Shawnee Club he would come by the Evening Press office and stay an hour, or two hours, or three hours, to go away finally with a couple of favored exchanges tucked under his arm, and leave us with our ears still dinned and tingling. Once in a while of a night, passing the Gaunt House on my way to the boarding house where I lived–for four dollars a week–I would see him through the windows, sometimes sitting alone, sometimes with one of his cronies.
Round the office he sometimes bothered us and sometimes he interfered with our work; but mainly all the men on the staff liked him, I think, or at least we put up with him. In our home town each of us had known somebody very much like him–there used to be at least one Major Stone in every community in the South, although most of them are dead now, I guess–so we all could understand him. When I say all I mean all but Devore. The major’s mere presence would poison Devore’s whole day for him. The major’s blaring notes would cross-cut Devore’s nerves as with a dull and haggling saw. He–Devore I mean–disliked the major with a dislike almost too deep for words. It had got to be an obsession with him.
“You fellows that were born down here have to stand for him,” he said once, when the major had stumped out on his short legs after an unusually long visit. “It’s part of the penalty you pay for belonging in this country. But I don’t have to venerate him and fuss over him and listen to him. I’m a Yankee, thank the Lord!” Devore came from Michigan and had worked on papers in Cleveland and Detroit before he drifted South. “Oh, we’ve got his counterpart up my way,” he went on. “Up there he’d be a pension-grabbing old kicker, ready to have a fit any time anybody wearing a gray uniform got within ninety miles of him, and writing red-hot letters of protest to the newspapers every time the state authorities sent a captured battle flag back down South. Down here he’s a pompous, noisy old fraud, too proud to work for a living–or too lazy–and too poor to count for anything in this world. The difference is that up in my country we’ve squelched the breed–we got good and tired of these professional Bloody Shirt wavers a good while ago; but here you fuss over this man, and you’ll sit round and pretend to listen while he drools away about things that happened before any one of you was born. Do you fellows know what I’ve found out about your Major Putnam Stone? He’s a life member of the Shawnee Club–a life member, mind you! And here I’ve been living in this town over a year, and nobody ever so much as invited me inside its front door!”