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An Aphorism and a Lecture
by
When I have got the hang of him, I ask him to sit down, and proceed to fumble his skull, dictating as follows:
SCALE FROM 1 TO 10
LIST OF FACULTIES FOR CUSTOMER–PRIVATE NOTES FOR MY PUPIL:
Each to be accompanied with a wink.
Amativeness, 7________Most men love the conflicting sex, and all men love to be told they do.
Alimentiveness, 8_____Don’t you see that he has burst off his lowest waistcoat button with feeding–hey?
Acquisitiveness, 8____Of course. A middle-aged Yankee.
Approbativeness, 7+____ Hat well brushed. Hair ditto. Mark the effect of that plus sign.
Self-esteem, 6________His face shows that.
Benevolence, 9________That’ll please him.
Conscientiousness, 8 1/2_That fraction looks first rate.
Mirthfulness, 7_______Has laughed twice since he came in. That sounds well.
Ideality, 9
Form, Size, Weight,
Color, Locality,
Eventuality, etc., Average everything that can’t be guessed.
etc. (4 to 6)
And so of other faculties
Of course, you know, that isn’t the way the phrenologists do. They go only by the bumps. What do you keep laughing so for (to the boarders)? I only said that is the way I should practise “Phrenology” for a living.