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Alice in Blunderland: An Iridescent Dream
by
“Have you had any elections since you established it?” asked Alice, whose father had once run for Mayor, and who therefore knew something about politics.
“No,” said the Hatter with an easy laugh. “But we will have one in the spring. We shall be reelected all right.”
“How do you know?” asked Alice. “If the people don’t like Municipal Ownership—-“
“O, but they do,” said the March Hare. “You see, Miss Alice, we have employed a safe majority of the voters in the various Departments of our M. O. system, their terms expiring coincidentally with our own–so if they vote against us they vote against themselves. It really makes Municipal Ownership self-perpetrating.”
“He means perpetuating,” whispered the March Hare.
“Ah,” said Alice. “I see.”
Just then a heavy gong like a huge fire alarm sounded and all the passengers sprang to their feet and made for the doors.
“What’s that?” cried Alice, timidly, as she rose up hurriedly with all the rest.
“Don’t be alarmed. It’s only the signal that our time is up,” said the Hatter. “We must get out now and make room for others who may wish to use the cars. Nobody can monopolise anything under our system. I will now take you to see our Gas and Hot Air Plant. It is one of the seven wonders of the world.”
And the little party descended into the street.
CHAPTER III
THE AROMATIC GAS PLANT
After the little party had descended from the marvellous trolley, concerning which the March Hare observed, most properly, that under private ownership nothing so safe and sane would ever have been thought of, they walked along a beautiful highway, bordered with rosebushes, oleanders and geraniums, until they came to a lovely little park at the entrance to which was a huge sign announcing that within was
THE BLUNDERLAND GAS PLANT.
To tell the truth Alice had not cared particularly to visit the Gas Works, because she had once been driven through what was known at home as the Gas-House district on her way to the ferry, and her recollections of it were not altogether pleasant. As she recalled it it was in a rather squalid neighbourhood, and the odours emanating from it were not pleasing to what she called her “oil-factories.” But here in Blunderland all was different. Instead of the huge ugly retorts rising up out of the ground, surrounded by a quality of air that one could not breathe with comfort, was as beautiful a garden as anyone could wish to wander through, and at its centre there stood a retort, but not one that looked like a great iron skull cap painted red. On the contrary the Municipally Owned retort had architecturally all the classic beauty of a Carnegie Library.
“We call it the Retort Courteous,” said the Hatter pridefully as he gazed at the structure, and smiled happily as he noted Alice’s very evident admiration for it. “You see, in urban affairs, as a mere matter of fitness, we believe in cultivating urbanity, my child, and in consequence everything we do is conceived in a spirit of courtesy. The gas-houses under private ownership have not been what you would call polite. They were almost invariably heavy, rude, staring structures that reared themselves offensively in the public eye, and our first effort was to subliminate—-“
“Ee-liminate,” whispered the March Hare.
“I beg your pardon, Mr. Hare,” retorted the Hatter. “I did not mean ee-liminate, which means to suppress, but subliminate, which means to sublimify or make sublime. I guess I know my own language.”
“Excuse me,” said the March Hare meekly. “I haven’t studied the M. O. Dictionary beyond the letter Q, Mr. Mayor, and I was not aware that the Common Council had as yet passed favourably upon subliminate, either,” he added with some feeling.
“That is because it was not until yesterday that the Copperation Council decided that subliminate was a constitutional word,” said the Hatter sharply. “In view of his report to me, which I wrote myself and therefore know the provisions of, he states that subliminate is a perfectly just and proper word involving no infringement upon the rights of others, and in no wise impairing the value of innocent vested interests, and is therefore legal. Therefore, I shall use it whether the Common Council approves it or not. If they resolve that it is not a good word, I shall veto the resolution. If you don’t like it I’ll send you your resignation.”