PAGE 10
After A Shadow
by
“What are you going to do?” asked a neighbor.
“Do?” Andy looked, in some surprise, at his interrogator.
“Yes. What are you going to do? A man in good health, at your time of life, can’t be idle. Rust will eat him up.”
“Rust?” Andy looked slightly bewildered.
“What’s this?” asked the neighbor, taking something from Andy’s counter.
“An old knife,” was the reply. “It dropped out of the window two or three months ago and was lost. I picked it up this morning.”
“It’s in a sorry condition,” said the neighbor. “Half eaten up with rust, and good for nothing.”
“And yet,” replied the shoemaker, “there was better stuff in that knife, before it was lost, than in any other knife in the shop.”
“Better than in this?” And the neighbor lifted a clean, sharp-edged knife from Andy’s cutting-board.
“Worth two of it.”
“Which knife is oldest?” asked the neighbor.
“I bought them at the same time.”
“And this has been in constant use?”
“Yes.”
“While the other lay idle, and exposed to the rains and dews?”
“And so has become rusted and good for nothing. Andy, my friend, just so rusted, and good for nothing as a man, are you in danger of becoming. Don’t quit business; don’t fall out of your place; don’t pass from useful work into self-corroding idleness, You’ll be miserable–miserable.”
The pertinence of this illustration struck the mind of Andy Lovell, and set him to thinking; and the more he thought, the more disturbed became his mental state. He had, as we have see, no longer any heart in his business. All that he desired was obtained–enough to live on comfortably; why, then, should he trouble himself with hard-to-please and ill-natured customers? This was one side of the question.
The rusty knife suggested the other side. So there was conflict in his mind; but only a disturbing conflict. Reason acted too feebly on the side of these new-coming convictions. A desire to be at once, and to escape daily work and daily troubles, was stronger than any cold judgement of the case.
“I’ll find something to do,” he said, within himself, and so pushed aside unpleasantly intruding thoughts. But Mrs. Lovell did not fail to observe, that since, her husband’s determination to go out of business, he had become more irritable than before, and less at ease in every way.
The closing day came at last. Andy Lovell shut the blinds before the windows of his shop, at night-fall, saying, as he did so, but in a half-hearted, depressed kind of a way, “For the last time;” and then going inside, sat down in front of the counter, feeling strangely and ill at ease. The future looked very blank. There was nothing in it to strive for, to hope for, to live for. Andy was no philosopher. He could not reason from any deep knowledge of human nature. His life had been merely sensational, touching scarcely the confines of interior thought. Now he felt that he was getting adrift, but could not understand the why and the wherefore.
As the twilight deepened, his mental obscurity deepened also. He was still sitting in front of his counter, when a form darkened his open door. It was the postman, with a letter for Andy’s wife. Then he closed the door, saying in his thought, as he had said when closing the shutters, “For the last time,” and went back into the house with the letter in his hand. It was sealed with black. Mrs. Lovell looked frightened as she noticed this sign of death. The contents were soon known. An only sister, a widow, had died suddenly, and this letter announced the fact. She left three young children, two girls and a boy. These, the letter stated, had been dispensed among the late husband’s relatives; and there was a sentence or two expressing a regret that they should be separated from each other.
Mrs. Lovell was deeply afflicted by this news, and abandoned herself, for a while, to excessive grief. Her husband had no consolation to offer, and so remained, for the evening, silent and thoughtful. Andy Lovell did not sleep well that night. Certain things were suggested to his mind, and dwelt upon, in spite of many efforts to thrust them aside. Mrs. Lovell was wakeful also, as was evident to her husband from her occasional sighs, sobs, and restless movements; but no words passed between them. Both rose earlier than usual.