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“So Morg Holladay he got up and moved the Chair to appoint a committee of one or more to shoot up some deligate or, if desired, deligates, in the other crowd. But the Colonel said no. We wuz in a strange town, fur removed from the time-honored institutions of home, and the police mout be hosstile. Customs differed in different towns. Whil’st shooting up of a man for purely political purposes mout be accepted as necessary and proper in one place; then agin it mout lead to trouble, sich as lawsuits, in another. And so on.

“Morg he got up again and said how he recognized the wisdom of the Chair’s remarks. Then he moved to amend his motion by substituting the word ‘kidnapping’ for ‘shooting up.’ Said as a general proposition he favored shooting up, not being familiar with kidnapping; in fact not knowing none of the rules, but was willing to try kidnapping as an experiment. But Colonel Bud ‘peared to be even more dead set, ef possible, agin kidnapping than agin shooting. He advanced the thought that shooting was recognized as necessary under proper conditions and safeguards, ever’where, but that kidnapping was looked on as bordering on the criminal even in the case of a child. How much more so, then, in the case of a growed-up adult man and Dimocrat?

“Nobody couldn’t think of nothing else then, but Colonel Bud ‘lowed we was bleeged to do something. There warn’t no telling, he said, when another one of our deligates would get to craving dainties and gormandize hisself with a lot of them fancy vittles the same as Breck Calloway had done, and go home all quiled up like a blue racer in a pa’tridge nest. Finally Colonel Bud he said he had a suggestion to advance his ownse’f, and we all set up and taken notice, knowing there wasn’t no astuter political leader in the State and maybe none so astuted.

“Colonel Bud he said he was shamed to admit that the scheme hadn’t suggested itself to him or ary other gen’elman present before now–it was so plum doggone simple.

“‘We got mighty nigh three hours yet,’ says Colonel Bud, ‘and enduring of that time all we got to do is to get one of them Hightower deligates deef, dumb and blind drunk–so drunk he won’t never git back to answer roll-call; and if he does, won’t know his own name if he heered it. We will simply appint a committee of one, composed of some gen’elman from amongst our midst of acknowledged capacity and experience, to accomplish this here undertaking, and likewise also at the same time we will pick out some accessible deligate in the opposition and commission said committee of one to put said opposition deligate out of commission by means of social conversation and licker between the present time and the hour of 4 P.M. By so doing victory will perch on our banners, and there can’t be no claim of underhand work or fraud from the other side. It’ll all be according to the ethics made and purvided in such emergencies.’

“Right off everybody seen Colonel Bud had the right idee, and he put the suggestion in the form of a motion and it carried unanimous. Colonel Bud stated that it now devolved upon the caucus to name the committee of one. And of course we all said that Colonel Bud was the very man for the place hisse’f; there wasn’t none of us qualified like him for sich a job. Everybody was bound to admit that. But Colonel Bud said much as he appreciated the honor and high value his colleagues put on his humble abilities, he must, purforce, sacrifice pussonal ambition in the intrusts of his esteemed friend, Major Zach Taylor Simms. As manager of the campaign he must remain right there on the ground to see which way the cat was going to jump–and be ready to jump with her. So, if the caucus would kindly indulge him for one moment moah he would nominate for the post of honor and responsibility as noble a Dimocrat, as true a Kintuckian and as chivalrous a gen’elman as ever wore hair. And with all the requisited qualifications and gifts, too.