PAGE 2
A Story Of The War
by
“Dey er too lazy ter wuk,” he was saying, “en dey specks hones’ fokes fer ter stan’ up en s’port um. I’m gwine down ter Putmon County whar Mars Jeems is–dat’s w’at I’m agwine ter do.”
“What’s the matter now, Uncle Remus?” inquired Mr. Huntingdon, folding up his newspaper.
“Nuthin’ ‘tall, Mars John, ‘ceppin deze yer sunshine niggers. Dey begs my terbacker, en borrys my tools, en steals my vittles, en hit’s done come ter dat pass dat I gotter pack up en go. I’m agwine down ter Putmon, dat’s w’at.”
Uncle Remus was accustomed to make this threat several times a day, but upon this occasion it seemed to remind Mr. Huntingdon of something.
“Very well,” he said, “I’ll come around and help you pack up, but before you go I want you to tell Sister here how you went to war and fought for the Union.–Remus was a famous warrior,” he continued, turning to Miss Theodosia; “he volunteered for one day, and commanded an army of one. You know the story, but you have never heard Remus’s version.”
Uncle Remus shuffled around in an awkward, embarrassed way, scratched his head, and looked uncomfortable.
“Miss Doshy ain’t got no time fer ter set dar an’ year de ole nigger run on.”
“Oh, yes, I have, Uncle Remus!” exclaimed the young lady; “plenty of time.”
The upshot of it was that, after many ridiculous protests, Uncle Remus sat down on the steps, and proceeded to tell his story of the war. Miss Theodosia listened with great interest, but throughout it all she observed–and she was painfully conscious of the fact, as she afterward admitted–that Uncle Remus spoke from the standpoint of a Southerner, and with the air of one who expected his hearers to thoroughly sympathize with him.
“Co’se,” said Uncle Remus, addressing himself to Miss Theodosia, “you ain’t bin to Putmon, en you dunner whar de Brad Slaughter place en Harmony Grove is, but Mars John en Miss Sally, dey bin dar a time er two, en dey knows how de lan’ lays. Well, den, it ‘uz right long in dere whar Mars Jeems lived, en whar he live now. When de war come long he wuz livin’ dere longer Ole Miss en Miss Sally. Ole Miss ‘uz his ma, en Miss Sally dar ‘uz his sister. De war come des like I tell you, en marters sorter rock along same like dey allers did. Hit didn’t strike me dat dey wuz enny war gwine on, en ef I hadn’t sorter miss de nabers, en seed fokes gwine outer de way fer ter ax de news, I’d a ‘lowed ter myse’f dat de war wuz ‘way off ‘mong some yuther country. But all dis time de fuss wuz gwine on, en Mars Jeems, he wuz des eatchin’ fer ter put in. Ole Miss en Miss Sally, dey tuck on so he didn’t git off de fus’ year, but bimeby news come down dat times wuz gittin’ putty hot, en Mars Jeems he got up, he did, en say he gotter go, en go he did. He got a overseer fer ter look atter de place, en he went en jined de army. En he ‘uz a fighter, too, mon, Mars Jeems wuz. Many’s en many’s de time,” continued the old man, reflectively, “dat I hatter take’n bresh dat boy on a counter his ‘buzin’ en beatin’ dem yuther boys. He went off dar fer ter fight, en he fit. Ole Miss useter call me up Sunday en read w’at de papers say ’bout Mars Jeems, en it ho’p ‘er up might’ly. I kin see ‘er des like it ‘uz yistiddy.
“‘Remus,’ sez she, ‘dish yer’s w’at de papers say ’bout my baby,’ en den she’d read out twel she couldn’t read fer cryin’. Hit went on dis way year in en year out, en dem wuz lonesome times, sho’s you bawn, Miss Doshy–lonesome times, sho. Hit got hotter en hotter in de war, en lonesomer en mo’ lonesomer at home, en bimeby ‘long come de conscrip’ man, en he des everlas’nly scoop up Mars Jeems’s overseer. W’en dis come ’bout, ole Miss, she sont atter me en say, sez she: