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PAGE 13

A Short Natural History
by [?]

Nevertheless, Red Hoss came right on in. Carefully he closed the door behind him, shutting himself in with Mr. Rosen and privacy and a symposium of strong, rich smells.

“‘Scuse me, Mist’ Rosen,” he said, “fur bre’kin’ in on you lak dis, but I got a little sumpin’ to say to you in mos’ strictes’ confidence. Seems lak to me I heard tell lately dat you’d had a little trouble wid some white folkses down de line. Co’se dat ain’t none o’ my business. I jes’ mentioned it so’s you’d understan’ whut it is I wants to talk wid you about.”

He drew up an elbow length away from Mr. Rosen and sank his voice to an intimate half whisper.

“Mist’ Rosen, le’s you an’ me do a little s’posin’. Le’s s’posen’ you has a bar’l of vinegar or molasses or sumpin’ which you wants delivered to a frien’ in Memphis, Tennessee. Seems lak I has heared somewhars dat you already is got a frien’ or two in Memphis, Tennessee? All right den! S’posin’, den, dat you wrote to your frien’ dat dis yere bar’l would be comin’ along to him inside of a week or ten days f’um now wid me in de full charge of it. S’posin’, den, on top o’ dat I could guarantee you to deliver dat bar’l to your frien’ widout nobody botherin’ dat bar’l on de way, and widout nobody ‘spectin’ whut wuz in dat bar’l, an’ widout nobody axin’ no hard questions about dat bar’l. S’posin’ all dem things, ef you please, suh, an’ den I axes you dis question: How much would dat favor be wuth to you in cash money?”

As a careful business man, Mr. Rosen very properly pressed for further particulars before in any way committing himself in the matter of the amount of remuneration to be paid for the accommodation proposed. At this evidence of interest on the other’s part Red Hoss grinned in happy optimism.

“Mist’ Rosen, ‘twon’t hardly be no trouble a-tall,” he stated. “In de fust place, you teks a pot o’ blue paint an’ you paints dat bar’l blue f’um head to foot. De bluer dat bar’l is de more safer she’ll be. An’ to mek sure dat de color will be right yere’s a sample fur you to go by.”

With that, Red Hoss produced from a hip pocket a sliver of plank painted on both sides in the cerulean hue universally favored by circus folk for covering seat boards, tent poles and such paraphernalia of a portable caravansary as is subject to rough treatment and frequent handling. At this the shock of surprise was such as almost to lift Mr. Rosen up on top of the cluttered desk which separated him from his visitor. It did lift him halfway out of his chair.

“Nigger,” he declared incredulously, “you talk foolishness! A mile away those dam Tennessee constables would be able to see a plain barrel which ain’t got no paint on it at all, and now you tell me I should paint a barrel so blue as the sky, and yet it should get through from here to Memphis. Are you crazy in the head or something, or do you maybe think I am?”

“Nummine dat,” went on Red Hoss. “You do lak I tells you, an’ you paints de bar’l right away so de paint’ll git good an’ dry twixt now an’ We’n’sday night. Come We’n’sday night, you loads dat blue bar’l in a waggin an’ covers it up an’ you fetches it to me at de back do’ of de main wild animal tent of dat carnival show which is now gwine on up yere in Mechanicsville. Don’t go to de tent whar de elephints is. Go to de tent whar de educated ostrich is. Dar you’ll fin’ me. I done tuk a job as de fust chief ‘sistant wild-animal trainer, an’ right dar I’ll be waitin’. So den you turns de bar’l over to me an’ you goes on back home an’ you furgits all ’bout it. Den in ’bout two weeks mo’ when I gits back yere I brings you a piece o’ writin’ f’um de gen’elman in Memphis sayin’ dat de bar’l has been delivered to him in good awder, an’ den you pays me de rest o’ de money dat’s comin’ to me.” He had a canny second thought. “Mebbe,” he added, “mebbe it would be better for all concern’ ef you wrote to yore frien’ in Memphis to hand me over de rest of de money when I delivers de bar’l. Yassuh, I reckins dat would be de best.”