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PAGE 18

A Matter Of Taste
by [?]

Very soon it was pretty evident what had been the matter–the walls were scorched and streaming, the window sashes were empty, charred and wasted by fire, the door was blistered and blackened, a stalwart fireman in his undress cap, with his helmet slung at his back, was just opening the gate as they came up.

‘Can’t come in, sir,’ he said, civilly enough. ‘No one admitted.’

‘Hang it!’ exclaimed George, ‘it’s my own fire–I’m the tenant.’

‘Oh, I beg your pardon, sir–it’s been got under some hours now. I was just going off duty.’

‘Much damage done?’ inquired George laconically.

‘Well, you see, sir,’ said the man, evidently considering how to prepare George for the worst, ‘we didn’t get the call till the house was well alight, and there was three steamers and a manual a-playing on it, so–well, you must expect things to be a bit untidy-like inside. But the walls and the roof ain’t much damaged.’

‘And how did it happen?–the house isn’t even occupied.’

‘Workmen,’ said the man. ‘Someone was in there early this morning and left the gas escaping somewheres, and as likely as not a light burning near–and here you are. Well, I’ll be off, sir; there’s nothing more to be done ‘ere. Good-day, sir, and thank ye, I’m sure.’

‘Oh, George!’ said Ella, half crying, ‘our poor, poor little house! It seems like a judgment on me. How can you laugh! Who will build it up for us now?’

‘Who? Why, the insurance people, to be sure! You see, the firm are agents for the “Curfew,” and as soon as I got all the furniture in I insured the whole concern and got a protection note, so we’re all right. Don’t worry, little girl. Why, don’t you see this gets us out of our difficulty? We can start afresh now without offending anybody. Look there; there’s that idiot of a plumber who’s done all the mischief–a nice funk he’ll be in when he sees us!’

But Mr. Peagrum was quite unperturbed; if anything, his smudgy features wore a look of sombre complacency as he came towards them. ‘I’m sorry this should have occurred,’ he said,’but you’ll bear me out that I warned yer as something was bound to ‘appen. In course I couldn’t tell what form it might take, and fire I must say I did not expect. I ‘adn’t on’y been in the place not a quarter of a hour, watering the gaselier in the libery–the libery as was, I should say–when it struck me I’d forgot my screw-driver, so, fortunately, as things turned out, I went ‘ome to my place to get it, and I come back to see the place all in a blaze. It’s fate, that’s what it is–fate’s at the bottom o’ this ‘ere job!’

‘Much more likely to be a lighted candle,’ said George.

‘I was not on the premises at the time, so I can’t say; but, be that ‘ow it may, there’s no denying it’s a singler thing the way my words have been fulfilled almost literal.’

‘Confound you!’ said George. ‘You take good care your prophecies come off. Why, man, you’re not going to pretend you don’t know that it’s your own carelessness that’s brought this about! This isn’t the only house you’ve brought bad luck into, Mr. What’s-your-name, since you’ve started in business!’

‘You can’t make me lose my temper,’ replied the plumber with dignity. ‘I put it down to ignirance.’

‘So do I,’ said George. ‘And if I know anyone who’s anxious for a little typhoid, or wants his house burnt down at a moderate charge, why, I shall know whom to recommend. Good-day.’

He turned on his heel and walked off, but Ella lingered behind. ‘I only just wanted to tell you,’ she said, addressing the astonished plumber, ‘that you have done us a very great service, and I, at least, am very much obliged to you.’ And she fluttered away after her fiance.

The plumber–that instrument of Destiny–looked after the retreating couple, and indulged in a mystified whistle.

‘E comes a bullyragging of me,’ he observed to a lamp-post, ‘and she’s “very much obliged”! And I’m blowed if I know what for, either way! Cracked, poor young things, cracked, the pair on ’em–and no wonder, with such a calamity so recent. Ah, well, I do ‘ope as this is the end on it. I ‘ope I shan’t be the means of bringing no more trouble into that little ‘ouse–that I kin truly say!’

And–human gratitude having its limits–it is highly probable that this pious aspiration will not be disappointed, so long, at least, as Mr. and Mrs. Chapman’s tenancy continues.