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A Difficult Case
by
But his wife had no misgivings. Her dread was that in his devotion to that miserable old man (as she called him, not always in compassion) he should again contribute to Hilbrook’s vitality at the expense, if not the danger, of his own. She of course expressed her joy that Ewbert had at last prevailed upon him to eat something, when the entreaty of his nurse and the authority of his doctor availed nothing; and of course she felt the pathos of his doing it out of affection for Ewbert, and merely to please him, as Hilbrook declared. It did not surprise her that any one should do anything for the love of Ewbert, but it is doubtful if she fully recognized the beauty of this last efflorescence of the aged life; and she perceived it her duty not to sympathize entirely with Ewbert’s morbid regret that it came too late. She was much more resigned than he to the will of Providence, and she urged a like submissiveness upon him.
“Don’t talk so!” he burst out. “It’s horrible!” It was in the first hours after Ewbert’s return from Hilbrook’s death-bed, and his spent nerves gave way in a gush of tears.
“I see what you mean,” she said, after a pause in which he controlled his sobs. “And I suppose,” she added, with a touch of bitterness, “that you blame me for taking you away from him here when he was coming every night and sapping your very life. You were very glad to have me do it at the time! And what use would there have been in your killing yourself, anyway? It wasn’t as if he were a young man with a career of usefulness before him, that might have been marred by his not believing this or that. He had been a complete failure every way, and the end of the world had come for him. What did it matter whether such a man believed that there was another world or not?”
“Emily! Emily!” the minister cried out. “What are you saying?”
Mrs. Ewbert broke down in her turn. “I don’t know what I’m saying!” she retorted from behind her handkerchief. “I’m trying to show you that it’s your duty to yourself–and to me–and to people who can know how to profit by your teaching and your example, not to give way as you’re doing, simply because a wornout old agnostic couldn’t keep his hold on the truth. I don’t know what your Rixonitism is for if it won’t let you wait upon the divine will in such a thing, too. You’re more conscientious than the worst kind of Congregationalist. And now for you to blame me”–
“Emily, I don’t blame you,” said her husband. “I blame myself.”
“And you see that that’s the same thing! You ought to thank me for saving your life; for it was just as if you were pouring your heart’s blood into him, and I could see you getting more anaemic every day. Even now you’re not half as well as when you got home! And yet I do believe that if you could bring old Hilbrook back into a world that he was sick and tired of, you’d give your own life to do it.”
XVII.
There was reason and there was justice in what she said, though they were so chaotic in form, and Ewbert could not refuse to acquiesce.
After all, he had done what he could, and he would not abandon himself to a useless remorse. He rather set himself to study the lesson of old Hilbrook’s life, and in the funeral sermon that he preached he urged upon his hearers the necessity of keeping themselves alive through some relation to the undying frame of things, which they could do only by cherishing earthly ties; and when these were snapped in the removal of their objects, by attaching the broken threads through an effort of the will to yet other objects: the world could furnish these inexhaustibly. He touched delicately upon the peculiarities, the eccentricities, of the deceased, and he did cordial justice to his gentleness, his blameless, harmless life, his heroism on the battlefields of his country. He declared that he would not be the one to deny an inner piety, and certainly not a steadfast courage, in Hilbrook’s acceptance of whatever his sincere doubts implied.
The sermon apparently made a strong impression on all who heard it. Mrs. Ewbert was afraid that it was rather abstruse in certain passages, but she felt sure that all the university people would appreciate these. The university people, to testify their respect for their founder, had come in a body to the obsequies of his kinsman; and Mrs. Ewbert augured the best things for her husband’s future usefulness from their presence.