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A Circle In The Water
by
“Yes, he did,” said Mrs. Hasketh, in a crest-fallen sort, “But we thought–we thought–you might know where he was. And Fay–Did he tell you what he was going to do?”
“Yes,” my wife gasped back.
The young girl put aside her veil in turning to my wife, and showed a face which had all the ill-starred beauty of poor Tedham, with something more in it that she never got from that handsome reprobate–conscience, soul–whatever we choose to call a certain effluence of heaven which blesses us with rest and faith whenever we behold it in any human countenance. She was very young-looking, and her voice had a wistful innocence.
“Do you think my father will be here again to-night? Oh, I must see him!”
I perceived that my wife could not speak, and I said, to gain time, “Why, I’ve been expecting him to come in at any moment;” and this was true enough.
“I guess he’s not very far off,” said old Hasketh. “I don’t believe but what he’ll turn up.” Within the comfort these words were outwardly intended to convey to the anxious child, I felt an inner contempt of Tedham, a tacit doubt of the man’s nature, which was more to me than the explicit faith in his return. For some reason Hasketh had not trusted Tedham’s decision, and he might very well have done this without impugning anything but the weakness of his will.
My wife now joined our side, apparently because it was the only theory of the case that could be openly urged. “Oh, yes, I am sure. In fact he promised my husband to let him know later where he was. Didn’t you understand him so, my dear?”
I had not understood him precisely to this effect, but I answered, “Yes, certainly,” and we began to reassure one another more and more. We talked on and on to one another, but all the time we talked at the young girl, or for her encouragement; but I suppose the rest felt as I did, that we were talking provisionally, or without any stable ground of conviction. For my part, though I indulged that contempt of Tedham, I still had a lurking fear that the wretch had finally and forever disappeared, and I had a vision, very disagreeable and definite, of Tedham lying face downward in the pool of the old cockpit and shone on by the stars in the hushed circle of the woods. Simultaneously I heard his daughter saying, “I can’t understand why he shouldn’t have come to us, or should have put it off. He couldn’t think I didn’t wish to see him.” And now I looked at my wife aghast, for I perceived that the Haskeths must have lacked the courage to tell her that her father had decided himself not to see her again, and that they had brought her to us that we might stay her with some hopes, false or true, of meeting him soon. “I don’t know what they mean,” she went on, appealing from them to us, “by saying that it might be better if I never saw him again!”
“I don’t say that any more, child,” said Mrs. Hasketh, with affecting humility. “I’m sure there isn’t any one in the whole world that I would bless the sight of half as much.”
“I could have come before, if I’d known where he was; or, if I had only known, I might have been here Saturday!” She broke into a piteous lamentation, with tears and sobs that wrung my heart and made me feel like one of a conspiracy of monsters. “But he couldn’t–he couldn’t–have thought I didn’t want to see him!”
It was a very trying moment for us all, and I think that if we had, any of us, had our choice, we should have preferred to be in her place rather than our own. We miserably did what we could to comfort her, and we at last silenced her with I do not know what pretences. The affair was quite too much for me, and I made a feint of having heard the children calling me, and I went out into the hall. I felt that there was a sort of indecency in my witnessing that poor young thing’s emotion; women might see it, but a man ought not. Perhaps old Hasketh felt the same; he followed me out, and when we were beyond hearing, even if he had spoken aloud, he dropped his voice to a thick murmur and said, “This has all been a mistake. We have had to get out of it with the girl the best we could; and we don’t dare to let her know that Tedham isn’t coming back any more. You noticed from what she said that my wife tried to make believe it might be well if he didn’t; but she had to drop that; it set the girl wild. She hasn’t got anything but the one idea: that she and her father belong to each other, and that they must be together for the rest of their lives. A curious thing about it is,” and Hasketh sank his voice still lower to say this, “that she thinks that if he’s taken the punishment that was put upon him he has atoned for what he did; and if any one tries to make him suffer more he does worse than Tedham did, and he’s flying in the face of Providence. Perhaps it’s so. I’m afraid,” Hasketh continued, with the satisfaction men take in blaming their wives under the cover of sympathy, “that Mrs. Hasketh is going to feel it more and more, as time goes on, unless Tedham turns up. I was never in favor of trying to have the child forget him, or be separated from him in any way. That kind of thing can’t be made to work, and I don’t suppose, when you come to boil it down, that it’s essentially right. This universe, I take it, isn’t an accident in any particular, and if she’s his daughter it’s because she was meant to be, and to bear and share with him. You see it was a great mistake not to prepare the child for it sooner, and tell her just when Tedham would be out, so that if she wanted to see him she could. She thinks she ought to have been there at the prison waiting to speak to him the first one. I thought it was a mistake to have her away, and I guess that’s the way Mrs. Hasketh looks at it herself, now.”