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Colonel Starbottle For The Plaintiff
by
Mr. Hotchkiss was apparently struck with some significance in the lawyer’s reply. “I don’t know,” he said, in a lower and more cautious voice, “what you mean by what you call ‘my attentions’ to—any one—or how it concerns you. I have not exhausted half a dozen words with—the person you name—have never written her a line—nor even called at her house.” He rose with an assumption of ease, pulled down his waistcoat, buttoned his coat, and took up his hat. The Colonel did not move. “I believe I have already indicated my meaning in what I have called ‘your attentions,'” said the Colonel, blandly, “and given you my ‘concern’ for speaking as—er—er mutual friend. As to your statement of your relations with Miss Hooker, I may state that it is fully corroborated by the statement of the young lady herself in this very office yesterday.”
“Then what does this impertinent nonsense mean? Why am I summoned here?” said Hotchkiss, furiously.
“Because,” said the Colonel, deliberately, “that statement is infamously—yes, damnably to your discredit, sir!”
Mr. Hotchkiss was here seized by one of those important and inconsistent rages which occasionally betray the habitually cautious and timid man. He caught up the Colonel’s stick, which was lying on the table. At the same moment the Colonel, without any apparent effort, grasped it by the handle. To Mr. Hotchkiss’s astonishment, the stick separated in two pieces, leaving the handle and about two feet of narrow glittering steel in the Colonel’s hand. The man recoiled, dropping the useless fragment. The Colonel picked it up, fitting the shining blade in it, clicked the spring, and then rising, with a face of courtesy yet of unmistakably genuine pain, and with even a slight tremor in his voice, said, gravely:
“Mr. Hotchkiss, I owe you a thousand apologies, sir, that—er— a weapon should be drawn by me—even through your own inadvertence— under the sacred protection of my roof, and upon an unarmed man. I beg your pardon, sir, and I even withdraw the expressions which provoked that inadvertence. Nor does this apology prevent you from holding me responsible—personally responsible—elsewhere for an indiscretion committed in behalf of a lady—my—er—client.”
“Your client? Do you mean you have taken her case? You, the counsel for the Ditch Company?” said Mr. Hotchkiss, in trembling indignation.
“Having won your case, sir,” said the Colonel, coolly, “the—er—usages of advocacy do not prevent me from espousing the cause of the weak and unprotected.”
“We shall see, sir,” said Hotchkiss, grasping the handle of the door and backing into the passage. “There are other lawyers who—”
“Permit me to see you out,” interrupted the Colonel, rising politely.
“—will be ready to resist the attacks of blackmail,” continued Hotchkiss, retreating along the passage.
“And then you will be able to repeat your remarks to me in the street,” continued the Colonel, bowing, as he persisted in following his visitor to the door.
But here Mr. Hotchkiss quickly slammed it behind him, and hurried away. The Colonel returned to his office, and sitting down, took a sheet of letter paper bearing the inscription “Starbottle and Stryker, Attorneys and Counsellors,” and wrote the following lines:
Hooker versus Hotchkiss.
DEAR MADAM,—Having had a visit from the defendant in
above, we should be pleased to have an interview with you at
2 p.m. to-morrow. Your obedient servants,
STARBOTTLE AND STRYKER.
This he sealed and despatched by his trusted servant Jim, and then devoted a few moments to reflection. It was the custom of the Colonel to act first, and justify the action by reason afterwards.
He knew that Hotchkiss would at once lay the matter before rival counsel. He knew that they would advise him that Miss Hooker had “no case”—that she would be non-suited on her own evidence, and he ought not to compromise, but be ready to stand trial. He believed, however, that Hotchkiss feared that exposure, and although his own instincts had been at first against that remedy, he was now instinctively in favor of it. He remembered his own power with a jury; his vanity and his chivalry alike approved of this heroic method; he was bound by the prosaic facts—he had his own theory of the case, which no mere evidence could gainsay. In fact, Mrs. Hooker’s own words that “he was to tell the story in his own way” actually appeared to him an inspiration and a prophecy.