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Robert Ingersoll
by
“Good-by, Bob,” called the white-aproned cook as he stood in the kitchen-door and waved his big spoon.
“Good-by, Brother, and mind you get those peacock-tongues by the time I get back,” answered Bob.
As to Ingersoll’s mental evolution we can not do better than to let him tell the story himself:
Like the most of us, I was raised among people who knew–who were certain. They did not reason or investigate. They had no doubts. They knew they had the truth. In their creed there was no guess–no perhaps. They had a revelation from God. They knew the beginning of things. They knew that God commenced to create one Monday morning and worked until Saturday night, four thousand and four years before Christ. They knew that in the eternity–back of that morning, He had done nothing. They knew that it took Him six days to make the earth–all plants, all animals, all life, and all the globes that wheel in space. They knew exactly what He did each day and when He rested. They knew the origin, the cause, of evil, of all crime, of all disease and death.
They not only knew the beginning, but they knew the end. They knew that life had one path and one road. They knew that the path, grass-grown and narrow, filled with thorns and nettles, infested with vipers, wet with tears, stained by bleeding feet, led to heaven, and that the road, broad and smooth, bordered with fruits and flowers, filled with laughter and song, and all the happiness of human love, led straight to hell. They knew that God was doing His best to make you take the path and that the Devil used every art to keep you in the road.
They knew that there was a perpetual battle waged between the great Powers of good and evil for the possession of human souls. They knew that many centuries ago God had left His throne and had been born a babe into this poor world–that He had suffered death for the sake of man–for the sake of saving a few. They also knew that the human heart was utterly depraved, so that man by nature was in love with wrong and hated God with all his might.
At the same time they knew that God created man in His own image and was perfectly satisfied with His work. They also knew that He had been thwarted by the Devil–who with wiles and lies had deceived the first of human kind. They knew that in consequence of that, God cursed the man and woman; the man with toil, the woman with slavery and pain, and both with death; and that He cursed the earth itself with briars and thorns, brambles and thistles. All these blessed things they knew. They knew too all that God had done to purify and elevate the race. They knew all about the Flood–knew that God, with the exception of eight, drowned all His children–the old and young–the bowed patriarch and the dimpled babe–the young man and the merry maiden–the loving mother and the laughing child–because His mercy endureth forever. They knew, too, that He drowned the beasts and birds–everything that walked or crawled or flew–because His loving-kindness is over all His works. They knew that God, for the purpose of civilizing His children, had devoured some with earthquakes, destroyed some with storms of fire, killed some with his lightnings, millions with famine, with pestilence, and sacrificed countless thousands upon the fields of war. They knew that it was necessary to believe these things and to love God. They knew that there could be no salvation except by faith, and through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ.
All who doubted or denied would be lost. To live a moral and honest life–to keep your contracts, to take care of wife and child–to make a happy home–to be a good citizen, a patriot, a just and thoughtful man, was simply a respectable way of going to hell.