FullReads

As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy dress, in the trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers, in thy walk and carriage, in the company thou keepest, seeing that thou go with none but powers or men of wealth or men of title, and caring not so much for men of parts, since these commonly deal less in the exterior and are not fit associates, for thou canst have nothing in common with them. When thou goest to thy dinner let a time elapse, so that thine entry may cause a noise and a disturbance, and when after much bustling thou hast taken thy seat, say not: “Waiter, will you order me green peas and a glass of college,” but say: “Waiter (and then a pause), peas,” and then suffer him to depart, and when he hath gone some little way recall him with a loud voice, which shall reach even unto the ears of the fellows, say, “and, waiter, college”; and when they are brought unto thee complain bitterly of the same. When thou goest to chapel talk much during the service, or pray much; do not the thing by halves; thou must either be the very religious power, which kind though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the greater advantage, or the thoughtless power, but above all see thou combine not the two, at least not in the same company, but let thy religion be the same to the same men. Always, if thou be a careless power, come in late to chapel and hurriedly; sit with the other powers and converse with them on the behaviour of others or any other light and agreeable topic. And, as I said above, under this love of show thou must include the choice of thine acquaintance, and as it is not possible for thee to order it so as not to have knowledge of certain men whom it will not be convenient for thee to know at all times and in all places, see thou cultivate those two excellent defects of both sight and hearing which will enable thee to pass one thou wouldst not meet, without seeing him or hearing his salutation. If thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who is somewhat rustic or uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an excellent heart, know him in private in thine individual capacity, but when thou art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he were a venomous thing and deadly. Again, if thou sittest at table with a man at the house of a friend and laughest and talkest with him and playest pleasant, if he be not perfect in respect of externals see thou pass him the next day without a smile, even though he may have prepared his countenance for a thousand grins; but if in the house of the same friend or another thou shouldst happen to stumble upon him, deal with him as though thy previous conversation had broken off but five minutes previously; but should he be proud and have all nothing to say unto thee, forthwith calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a sorry-spirited fellow and mean.

And with regard to smoking, though that, too, is advantageous, it is not necessary so much for the power as for the fast man, for the power is a more calculating and thoughtful being than this one; but if thou smokest, see that others know it; smoke cigars if thou canst afford them; if not, say thou wonderest at such as do, for to thy liking a pipe is better. And with regard to all men except thine own favoured and pre-eminent clique, designate them as “cheerful,” “lively,” or use some other ironical term with regard to them. So much then for the love of show.