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He was never married, but in his youth he paid his addresses to the beautiful Susan Winstanley–old Winstanley’s daughter of Clapton–who dying in the early days of their courtship, confirmed in him the resolution of perpetual bachelorship. It was during their short courtship, he told me, that he had been one day treating his mistress with a profusion of civil speeches–the common gallantries–to which kind of thing she had hitherto manifested no repugnance–but in this instance with no effect. He could not obtain from her a decent acknowledgment in return. She rather seemed to resent his compliments. He could not set it down to caprice, for the lady had always shown herself above that littleness. When he ventured on the following day, finding her a little better humoured, to expostulate with her on her coldness of yesterday, she confessed, with her usual frankness, that she had no sort of dislike to his attentions; that she could even endure some high-flown compliments; that a young woman placed in her situation had a right to expect all sort of civil things said to her; that she hoped she could digest a dose of adulation, short of insincerity, with as little injury to her humility as most young women: but that–a little before he had commenced his compliments–she had overheard him by accident, in rather rough language, rating a young woman, who had not brought home his cravats quite to the appointed time, and she thought to herself, “As I am Miss Susan Winstanley, and a young lady–a reputed beauty, and known to be a fortune,–I can have my choice of the finest speeches from the mouth of this very fine gentleman who is courting me–but if I had been poor Mary Such-a-one (naming the milliner),–and had failed of bringing home the cravats to the appointed hour–though perhaps I had sat up half the night to forward them–what sort of compliments should I have received then?–And my woman’s pride came to my assistance; and I thought, that if it were only to do me honour, a female, like myself, might have received handsomer usage: and I was determined not to accept any fine speeches, to the compromise of that sex, the belonging to which was after all my strongest claim and title to them.”

I think the lady discovered both generosity, and a just way of thinking, in this rebuke which she gave her lover; and I have sometimes imagined, that the uncommon strain of courtesy, which through life regulated the actions and behaviour of my friend towards all of womankind indiscriminately, owed its happy origin to this seasonable lesson from the lips of his lamented mistress.

I wish the whole female world would entertain the same notion of these things that Miss Winstanley showed. Then we should see something of the spirit of consistent gallantry; and no longer witness the anomaly of the same man–a pattern of true politeness to a wife–of cold contempt, or rudeness, to a sister–the idolater of his female mistress–the disparager and despiser of his no less female aunt, or unfortunate–still female–maiden cousin. Just so much respect as a woman derogates from her own sex, in whatever condition placed–her handmaid, or dependent–she deserves to have diminished from herself on that score; and probably will feel the diminution, when youth, and beauty, and advantages, not inseparable from sex, shall lose of their attraction. What a woman should demand of a man in courtship, or after it, is first–respect for her as she is a woman;–and next to that–to be respected by him above all other women. But let her stand upon her female character as upon a foundation; and let the attentions, incident to individual preference, be so many pretty additaments and ornaments–as many, and as fanciful, as you please–to that main structure. Let her first lesson be–with sweet Susan Winstanley–to reverence her sex.