“‘Tis now some thirty-seven years agoSince first began the plot that I’m revealing,A fine young woman, whom you ought to know,Lived with her husband down in Drum Lane, Ealing.Herself by means of mangling reimbursing,And now and then (at intervals) wet-nursing. “Two little babes dwelt in their humble cot:One was her own–the other only lent to […]

I’ve painted SHAKESPEARE all my life–“An infant” (even then at “play”!)“A boy,” with stage-ambition rife,Then “Married to ANN HATHAWAY.” “The bard’s first ticket night” (or “ben.”),His “First appearance on the stage,”His “Call before the curtain”–then“Rejoicings when he came of age.” The bard play-writing in his room,The bard a humble lawyer’s clerk.The bard a lawyer {1}–parson […]

Weary at heart and extremely illWas PALEY VOLLAIRE of Bromptonville,In a dirty lodging, with fever down,Close to the Polygon, Somers Town. PALEY VOLLAIRE was an only son(For why? His mother had had but one),And PALEY inherited gold and groundsWorth several hundred thousand pounds. But he, like many a rich young man,Through this magnificent fortune ran,And […]

Oh! listen to the tale of little ANNIE PROTHEROE.She kept a small post-office in the neighbourhood of BOW;She loved a skilled mechanic, who was famous in his day–A gentle executioner whose name was GILBERT CLAY. I think I hear you say, “A dreadful subject for your rhymes!”O reader, do not shrink–he didn’t live in modern […]

I sing a legend of the sea,So hard-a-port upon your lee!A ship on starboard tack!She’s bound upon a private cruise–(This is the kind of spice I useTo give a salt-sea smack). Behold, on every afternoon(Save in a gale or strong Monsoon)Great CAPTAIN CAPEL CLEGGS(Great morally, though rather short)Sat at an open weather-portAnd aired his shapely […]

The story of FREDERICK GOWLER,A mariner of the sea,Who quitted his ship, the Howler,A-sailing in Caribbee.For many a day he wandered,Till he met in a state of rumCALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP,The King of Canoodle-Dum. That monarch addressed him gaily,“Hum! Golly de do to-day?Hum! Lily-white Buckra Sailee”–(You notice his playful way?)–“What dickens you doin’ here, […]

A leafy cot, where no dry rotHad ever been by tenant seen,Where ivy clung and wopses stung,Where beeses hummed and drummed and strummed,Where treeses grew and breezes blew–A thatchy roof, quite waterproof,Where countless herds of dicky-birdsBuilt twiggy beds to lay their heads(My mother begs I’ll make it “eggs,”But though it’s true that dickies doConstruct a […]

List while the poet trolls Of MR. CLAYTON HOOPER, Who had a cure of souls At Spiffton-extra-Sooper. He lived on curds and whey, And daily sang their praises, And then he’d go and play With buttercups and daisies. Wild croquet HOOPER banned, And all the sports of Mammon, He warred with cribbage, and He exorcised […]