A more humane Mikado neverDid in Japan exist,To nobody second,I’m certainly reckonedA true philanthropist,It is my very humane endeavorTo make, to some extent,Each evil liverA running riverOf harmless merriment.My object all sublimeI shall achieve in time–To let the punishment fit the crime–The punishment fit the crime;And make each prisoner pentUnwillingly representA source of innocent merriment,Of […]

I shipped, d’ye see, in a Revenue sloop,And, off Cape Finistere,A merchantman we see,A Frenchman, going free,So we made for the bold Mounseer.D’ye see?We made for the bold Mounseer!But she proved to be a Frigate–and she up with her ports,And fires with a thirty-two!It come uncommon near,But we answered with a cheer,Which paralyzed the Parley-voo,D’ye […]

Now, Marco dear,My wishes hear:While you’re awayIt’s understoodYou will be good,And not too gay.To every traceOf maiden graceYou will be blind,And will not glanceBy any chanceOn womankind!If you are wise,You’ll shut your eyes‘Till we arrive,And not addressA lady lessThan forty-five;You’ll please to frownOn every gownThat you may see;And O, my pet,You won’t forgetYou’ve married me! […]

Is life a boon?If so? it must befalThat Death, whene’er he call,Must call too soon.Though fourscore years he give,Yet one would pray to liveAnother moon!What kind of plaint have I,Who perish in July?I might have had to die,Perchance, in June! Is life a thorn?Then count it not a whit!Man is well done with it;Soon as […]

Braid the raven hair,Weave the supple tress,Deck the maiden fairIn her loveliness;Paint the pretty face,Dye the coral lip.Emphasize the graceOf her ladyship!Art and nature, thus allied,Go to make a pretty bride! Sit with downcast eye,Let it brim with dew;Try if you can cry,We will do so, too.When you’re summoned, startLike a frightened roe;Flutter, little heart,Color, […]

Would you know the kind of maidSets my heart a flame-a?Eyes must be downcast and staid,Cheeks must flush for shame-a!She may neither dance nor sing,But, demure in everything,Hang her head in modest way,With pouting lips that seem to say“Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,Though I die of shame-a.”Please you, that’s the kind of […]

A magnet hung in a hardware shop,And all around was a loving cropOf scissors and needles, nails and knives,Offering love for all their lives;But for iron the magnet felt no whim,Though he charmed iron, it charmed not him,From needles and nails and knives he’d turn,For he’d set his love on a Silver Churn!His most aesthetic,Very […]

Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray;Though I own that my heart has been ranging,Of nature the laws I obey,For nature is constantly changing.The moon in her phases is found,The time and the wind and the weather,The months in succession come round,And you don’t find two Mondays together.Consider the moral, I pray,Nor bring a young fellow to […]

EARL JOYCE he was a kind old partyWhom nothing ever could put out,Though eighty-two, he still was hearty,Excepting as regarded gout. He had one unexampled daughter,The LADY MINNIE-HAHA JOYCE,Fair MINNIE-HAHA, “Laughing Water,”So called from her melodious voice. By Nature planned for lover-capture,Her beauty every heart assailed;The good old nobleman with raptureObserved how widely she prevailed […]

Rising early in the morning,We proceed to light our fire;Then our Majesty adorningIn its work-a-day attire,We embark without delayOn the duties of the day. First, we polish off some batchesOf political dispatches,And foreign politicians circumvent;Then, if business isn’t heavy,We may hold a Royal levee,Or ratify some acts of Parliament;Then we probably review the household troops–With […]

Good children, list, if you’re inclined,And wicked children too–This pretty ballad is designedEspecially for you. Two ogres dwelt in Wickham Wold–Each TRAITS distinctive had:The younger was as good as gold,The elder was as bad. A wicked, disobedient sonWas JAMES M’ALPINE, andA contrast to the elder one,Good APPLEBODY BLAND. M’ALPINE–brutes like him are few–In greediness delights,A […]

Oh, listen to the tale of MISTER WILLIAM, if you please,Whom naughty, naughty judges sent away beyond the seas.He forged a party’s will, which caused anxiety and strife,Resulting in his getting penal servitude for life. He was a kindly goodly man, and naturally prone,Instead of taking others’ gold, to give away his own.But he had […]

I’m old, my dears, and shrivelled with age, and work, and grief,My eyes are gone, and my teeth have been drawn by Time, the Thief!For terrible sights I’ve seen, and dangers great I’ve run–I’m nearly seventy now, and my work is almost done! Ah! I’ve been young in my time, and I’ve played the deuce […]

When first my old, old love I knew,My bosom welled with joy;My riches at her feet I threw;I was a love-sick boy!No terms seemed too extravagantUpon her to employ–I used to mope, and sigh, and pant,Just like a love-sick boy! But joy incessant palls the sense;And love, unchanged will cloy,And she became a bore intenseUnto […]

Brightly dawns our wedding day;Joyous hour, we give thee greeting!Whither, whither art thou fleeting?Fickle moment, prithee stay!What though mortal joys be hollow?Pleasures come, if sorrows follow:Though the tocsin sound, ere long,Ding dong! Ding dong!Yet until the shadows fallOver one and over all,Sing a merry madrigal–Fal la! Let us dry the ready tear;Though the hours are […]

Were I thy bride,Then the whole world besideWere not too wideTo hold my wealth of love–Were I thy bride!Upon thy breastMy loving head would rest,As on her nestThe tender turtle dove–Were I thy bride! This heart of mineWould be one heart with thine,And in that shrineOur happiness would dwell–Were I thy bride!And all day longOur […]

The earth has armies plenty,And semi-warlike bands,I dare say there are twentyIn European lands;But, oh! in no directionYou’d find one to compareIn brotherly affectionWith that of COLONEL FLARE. His soldiers might be ratedAs military Pearls.As unsophisticatedAs pretty little girls!They never smoked or ratted,Or talked of Sues or Polls;The Sergeant-Major tatted,The others nursed their dolls. He […]

MR. BLAKE was a regular out-and-out hardened sinner,Who was quite out of the pale of Christianity, so to speak,He was in the habit of smoking a long pipe and drinking a glass of grogon a Sunday after dinner,And seldom thought of going to church more than twice or–if GoodFriday or Christmas Day happened to come […]

A proud Pasha was BAILEY BEN,His wives were three, his tails were ten;His form was dignified, but stout,Men called him “Little Roundabout.” His Importance Pale Pilgrims came from o’er the seaTo wait on PASHA BAILEY B.,All bearing presents in a crowd,For B. was poor as well as proud. His Presents They brought him onions strung […]

Why, pretty page, art ever sighing?Is sorrow in thy heartlet lying?Come, set a-ringingThy laugh entrancing,And ever singingAnd ever dancing.Ever singing, Tra! la! la!Ever dancing, Tra! la! la!Ever singing, ever dancing,Ever singing, Tra! la! la! He skipped for joy like little muttons,He danced like Esmeralda’s kid.(She did not mean a boy in buttons,Although he fancied that […]