I saw it all in Fancy’s glass–Herself, the fair, the wild magician,Who bade this splendid day-dream pass,And named each gliding apparition. ‘Twas like a torch-race–such as theyOf Greece performed, in ages gone,When the fleet youths, in long array,Past the bright torch triumphant on. I saw the expectant nations stand,To catch the coming flame in turn;–I […]

PROEM. Where Kings have been by mob-electionsRaised to the throne, ’tis strange to seeWhat different and what odd perfectionsMen have required in Royalty.Some, liking monarchs large and plumpy,Have chosen their Sovereigns by the weight;–Some wisht them tall, some thought your Dumpy,Dutch-built, the true Legitimate.[1]The Easterns in a Prince, ’tis said,Prefer what’s called a jolterhead:[2]The Egyptians […]

“o ego non felix, quam tu fugis, ut pavet acresagna lupos, capreaeque leones.”–HOR. Said a Sovereign to a Note,In the pocket of his coat,Where they met in a neat purse of leather,“How happens it, I prithee,“That, tho’ I’m wedded with thee,“Fair Pound, we can never live together? “Like your sex, fond of change“With Silver you […]

The money raised–the army ready–Drums beating, and the Royal NeddyValiantly braying in the van,To the old tune ““Eh, eh, Sire Ane!”[1]–Naught wanting, but some coup dramatic,To make French sentiment explode,Bring in, at once, the gout fanatic,And make the war “la derniere mode”—Instantly, at the Pavillon Marsan,Is held an Ultra consultation–What’s to be done, to help […]

PROEM. Tho’ soldiers are the true supports,The natural allies of Courts,Woe to the Monarch, who dependsToo much on his red-coated friends;For even soldiers sometimes think—Nay, Colonels have been known to reason,– And reasoners, whether clad in pinkOr red or blue, are on the brink(Nine cases out of ten) of treason Not many soldiers, I believe, […]

PROEM. Novella, a young Bolognese,The daughter of a learned Law Doctor,[1]Who had with all the subtletiesOf old and modern jurists stockt her,Was so exceeding fair, ’tis said,And over hearts held such dominion,That when her father, sick in bed,Or busy, sent her, in his stead,To lecture on the Code Justinian,She had a curtain drawn before her,Lest, […]

“animas sapientiores fieri quiescendo.” And now-cross-buns and pancakes o’er–Hail, Lords and Gentlemen, once more!Thrice hail and welcome, Houses Twain!The short eclipse of April-DayHaving (God grant it!) past away,Collective Wisdom, shine again! Come, Ayes and Noes, thro’ thick and thin,–With Paddy Holmes for whipper-in,–Whate’er the job, prepared to back it;Come, voters of Supplies–bestowersOf jackets upon trumpet-blowers,At […]

BY SIR THOMAS LETHBRIDGE. “legiferoe Cereri Phoeboque.”–VERGIL. Dear Goddess of Corn whom the ancients, we know,(Among other odd whims of those comical bodies,)Adorned with somniferous poppies to showThou wert always a true Country-gentleman’s Goddess. Behold in his best shooting-jacket before theeAn eloquent ‘Squire, who most humbly beseeches.Great Queen of Mark-lane (if the thing doesn’t bore […]

“Now what, we ask, is become of this Sinking Fund–these eight millions of surplus above expenditure, which were to reduce the interest of the national debt by the amount of four hundred thousand pounds annually? Where, indeed, is the Sinking Fund itself?”–The Times. Take your bell, take your bell,Good Crier, and tellTo the Bulls and […]

“quem das finem, rex magne, laborum?”VERGIL. 1826. How can you, my Lord, thus delight to torment allThe Peers of the realm about cheapening their corn,[1]When you know, if one hasn’t a very high rental,‘Tis hardly worth while being very high born? Why bore them so rudely, each night of your life,On a question, my Lord, […]

FROM HIS EXCELLENCY DON STREPITOSO DIABOLO, ENVOY EXTRAORDINARY TO HIS SATANIC MAJESTY. St. James’s Street, July 1, 1826. Great Sir, having just had the good luck to catchAn official young demon, preparing to go,Ready booted and spurred, with a black-leg despatchFrom the Hell here at Crockford’s, to our Hell below– I write these few lines […]

1826. TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. Sir–Having just heard of the wonderful resurrection of Mr. Roger Dodsworth from under an avalanche, where he had remained, bien frappe, it seems, for the last 166 years, I hasten to impart to you a few reflections on the subject.–Yours, etc. Laudator Temporis Acti. What a lucky turn-up!–just […]

“I authorized my Committee to take the step which they did, of proposing a fair comparison of strength, upon the understanding that whichever of the two should prove to be the weakest, should give way to the other.” —Extract from Mr. W. J. Bankes’s Letter to Mr. Goulbourn. Bankes is weak, and Goulbourn too,No one […]

(SUNG IN THE CHARACTER OF BRITANNIA.) “The Public Debt is due from ourselves to ourselves, and resolves itself into a Family Account.”–Sir Robert Peel’s Letter. Tune–My banks are all furnisht with bees. My banks are all furnisht with rags,So thick, even Freddy can’t thin ’em;I’ve torn up my old money-bags,Having little or nought to put […]

MONDAY, MARCH 13, 1826. The Budget–quite charming and witty–no hearing,For plaudits and laughs, the good things that were in it;–Great comfort to find, tho’ the speech isn’t cheering,That all its gay auditors were every minute. What, still more prosperity!–mercy upon us,“This boy’ll be the death of me”–oft as, already,Such smooth Budgeteers have genteelly undone us,For […]

—altum aedificat caput.”JUVENAL 1826. Hail, reverent Hat!–sublime mid allThe minor felts that round thee grovel;–Thou that the Gods “a Delta” callWhile meaner mortals call the “shovel.”When on thy shape (like pyramid,Cut horizontally in two)[1]I raptured gaze, what dreams unbidOf stalls and mitres bless my view! That brim of brims so sleekly good–Not flapt, like dull […]

Lament, lament, Sir Isaac Heard,Put mourning round thy page, Debrett,For here lies one who ne’er preferredA Viscount to a Marquis yet. Beside him place the God of Wit,Before him Beauty’s rosiest girls,Apollo for a star he’d quit,And Love’s own sister for an Earl’s. Did niggard fate no peers afford,He took of course to peers’ relations;And […]

doctoribus loetamur tribus. 1826. Tho’ many great Doctors there be,There are three that all Doctors out-top,Doctor Eady, that famous M. D.,Doctor Southey, and dear Doctor Slop.[1] The purger, the proser, the bard–All quacks in a different style;Doctor Southey writes books by the yard.Doctor Eady writes puffs by the mile![2] Doctor Slop, in no merit outdoneBy […]

1826 A millennium at hand!–I’m delighted to hear it–As matters both public and private now go,With multitudes round us all starving or near it.A good, rich Millennium will come a-propos. Only think, Master Fred, what delight to behold,Instead of thy bankrupt old City of Rags,A bran-new Jerusalem built all of gold,Sound bullion throughout from the […]

Said Cotton to Corn, t’other day,As they met and exchanged a salute–(Squire Corn in his carriage so gay,Poor Cotton half famished on foot): “Great Squire, if it isn’t uncivil“To hint at starvation before you,“Look down on a poor hungry devil,“And give him some bread, I implore you!” Quoth Corn then in answer to Cotton,Perceiving he […]