the Consultation.[1] “When they do agree, their unanimity is wonderful. The Critic. 1833. Scene discovers Dr. Whig and Dr. Tory in consultation. Patient on the floor between them. Dr. Whig.–This wild Irish patient does pester me so.That what to do with him, I’m curst if I know.I’ve promist him anodynes– Dr. Tory. Anodynes!–Stuff.Tie him down–gag […]

(VIDE DESCRIPTION OF A LATE FETE.)[1] 1832. What a pleasing contrivance! how aptly devised‘Twixt tar and magnolias to puzzle one’s noses!And how the tar-barrels must all be surprisedTo find themselves seated like “Love among roses!” What a pity we can’t, by precautions like these,Clear the air of that other still viler infection;That radical pest, that […]

“This much I dare say, that, since lording and loitering hath come up, preaching hath come down, contrary to the Apostles’ times. For they preached and lorded not; and now they lord and preach not…. Ever since the Prelates were made Lords and Nobles, the plough standeth; there is no work done, people starve.” —Latimer, […]

BEING A SEQUEL TO THE “FUDGE FAMILY IN PARIS.” PREFACE. The name of the country town, in England–a well-known fashionable watering-place–in which the events that gave rise to the following correspondence occurred, is, for obvious reasons, suppressed. The interest attached, however, to the facts and personages of the story, renders it independent of all time […]

Le Leggi della Maschera richiedono che una persona mascherata non sia salutata per nome da uno che la conosce malgrado il suo travestimento. CASTIGLIONE. PREFACE. In what manner the following Epistles came into my hands, it is not necessary for the public to know. It will be seen by Mr. FUDGE’S Second Letter, that he […]

1833. Sweet singer of Romaldkirk, thou who art reckoned,By critics Episcopal, David the Second,[1]If thus, as a Curate, so lofty your flight,Only think, in a Rectory, how you would write!Once fairly inspired by the “Tithe-crowned Apollo,”(Who beats, I confess it, our lay Phoebus hollow,Having gotten, besides the old Nine’s inspiration,The Tenth of all eatable things […]

1833. About fifty years since, in the days of our daddies,That plan was commenced which the wise now applaud,Of shipping off Ireland’s most turbulent Paddies,As good raw material for settlers, abroad.Some West-India island, whose name I forget,Was the region then chosen for this scheme so romantic;And such the success the first colony met,That a second, […]

“I trust we shall part as we met, in peace and charity. My last payment to you paid your salary up to the 1st of this month. Since that, I owe you for one month, which, being a long month, of thirty-one days, amounts, as near as I can calculate, to six pounds eight shillings. […]

DREAM THE FIRST. I have been, like Puck, I have been, in a trice,To a realm they call Fool’s Paradise,Lying N.N.E. of the Land of Sense,And seldom blest with a glimmer thence.But they wanted not in this happy place,Where a light of its own gilds every face;Or if some wear a shadowy brow,‘Tis the wish […]

“sic vos non vobis.”1833. “The Vicar of Birmingham desires me to state that, in consequence of the passing of a recent Act of Parliament, he is compelled to adopt measures which may by some be considered harsh or precipitate; but, in duty to what he owes to his successors, he feels bound to preserve the […]

Scene from a Play, Acted At Oxford, Called “matriculation.”[1] [Boy discovered at a table, with the Thirty-Nine Articles before him.–Enter the Rt. Rev. Doctor Phillpots.] Doctor P.–There, my lad, lie theArticles–(Boy begins to count them) just thirty nine–No occasion to count–you’ve now only to sign.At Cambridge where folks are less High-church than we,The whole Nine-and-Thirty […]

Air.–“A master I have, and I am his man,Galloping dreary dun.”“Castle of Andalusia.” The Duke is the lad to frighten a lass.Galloping, dreary duke;The Duke is the lad to frighten a lass,He’s an ogre to meet, and the devil to pass,With his charger prancing,Grim eye glancing,Chin, like a Mufti,Grizzled and tufty,Galloping, dreary Duke. Ye misses, […]

ACCORDING TO THE NEWEST RECEIPT AS DISCLOSED IN A LATE HERALDIC WORK,[1] 1834. Choose some title that’s dormant–the Peerage hath many–Lord Baron of Shamdos sounds nobly as any.Next, catch a dead cousin of said defunct Peer,And marry him, off hand, in some given year,To the daughter of somebody,–no matter who,–Fig, the grocer himself, if you’re […]

1834. “We are persuaded that this our artificial man will not only walk and speak and perform most of the outward functions of animal life, but (being wound up once a week) will perhaps reason as well as most of your country parsons.”–“Memoirs of Martinus Scriblerus,” chap. xii. It being an object now to meetWith […]

Founded Upon Some Late Calculations. 1833. Fine figures of speech let your orators follow,Old Cocker has figures that beat them all hollow.Tho’ famed for his rules Aristotle may be,In but half of this Sage any merit I see,For, as honest Joe Hume says, the “tottle” for me! For instance, while others discuss and debate,It is […]

“And now,” quoth the goddess, in accents jocose,“Having got good materials, I’ll brew such a dose“Of Double X mischief as, mortals shall say,“They’ve not known its equal for many a long day.”Here she winkt to her subaltern imps to be steady,And all wagged their fire-tipt tails and stood ready. “So, now for the ingredients:–first, hand […]

Imitated from Horace, lib. i, ode 3. So may my Lady’s prayers prevail,And Canning’s too, and lucid Bragge’s,And Eldon beg a favoring galeFrom Eolus, that older Bags,To speed thee on thy destined way,Oh ship, that bearest our Castlereagh,Our gracious Regent’s better halfAnd therefore quarter of a King–(As Van or any other calfMay find without much […]

Lines On The Departure Of Lord Castlereagh And Stewart For The Continent.[1] at Paris[2] et Fratres, et qui rapure sub illis.vix tenuere manus (scis hoc, Menelae) nefandas.OVID. Metam. lib. xiii. v. 202. Go, Brothers in wisdom–go, bright pair of Peers,And my Cupid and Fame fan you both with their pinions!The one, the best lover we […]

Southampton. As ’tis now, my dear Tully, some weeks since I startedBy railroad for earth, having vowed ere we partedTo drop you a line by the Dead-Letter post,Just to say how I thrive in my new line of ghost,And how deucedly odd this live world all appears,To a man who’s been dead now for three […]

BY A TORY. “That boy will be the death of me.”Matthews at Home. Ah, Tories dear, our ruin is near,With Stanley to help us, we can’t but fall;Already a warning voice I hear,Like the late Charles Matthews’ croak in my ear,“That boy–that boy’ll be the death of you all.” He will, God help us!–not even […]