“I’ll be your second.”–LISTON. In Middle Row, some years ago, There lived one Mr. Brown; And many folks considered him The stoutest man in town. But Brown and stout will both wear out– One Friday he died hard, And left a widow’d wife to mourn, At twenty pence a yard. Now widow B. in two […]

“The Needles have sometimes been fatal to Mariners.” Picture of Isle of Wight. [Note: Written when Walter Scott was familiarly known as the Wizard of the North,” the title which is the key to the present poem. Scott died in September, 1832, in the interval between the writing and the publishing of the verses, for […]

BY A VILLAGER. Our village, that’s to say, not Miss Mitford’s village, but our village of Bullock Smithy, Is come into by an avenue of trees, three oak pollards, two elders, and a withy; And in the middle there’s a green, of about not exceeding an acre and a half; It’s common to all and […]

“At certain seasons he makes a prodigious clattering with his bill.”–SELBY. “The bill is rather long, flat, and tinged with green.”–BEWICK. O Andrew Fairservice,–but I beg pardon, You never labor’d in Di Vernon’s garden, On curly kale and cabbages intent,– Andrew Churchservice was the thing I meant,– You are a Christian–I would be the same, […]

“He left his body to the sea, And made a shark his legatee.” BRYAN AND PERENNE. “Oh! what is that comes gliding in, And quite in middling haste? It is the picture of my Jones, And painted to the waist. “It is not painted to the life, For where’s the trowsers blue? Oh Jones, my […]

“Sit down and fall to, said the Barmecide.” Arabian Nights. At seven you just nick it, Give card–get wine ticket; Walk round through the Babel, From table to table, To find–a hard matter– Your name in a platter; Your wish was to sit by Your friend Mr. Whitby, But stewards’ assistance Has placed you at […]

But a bold pheasantry, their country’s pride When once destroyed can never be supplied. GOLDSMITH. Bill Blossom was a nice young man, And drove the Bury coach; But bad companions were his bane, And egg’d him on to poach. They taught him how to net the birds, And how to noose the hare; And with […]

Speaking within compass, as to fabulousness I prefer Southcote to Northcote. PIGROGROMITUS. One day, or night, no matter where or when, Sly Reynard, like a foot-pad, laid his pad Right on the body of a speckled Hen, Determined upon taking all she had; And like a very bibber at his bottle, Began to draw the […]

To Waterloo, with sad ado, And many a sigh and groan, Amongst the dead, came Patty Head, To look for Peter Stone. “O prithee tell, good sentinel, If I shall find him here? I’m come to weep upon his corse, My Ninety-Second dear! “Into our town a sergeant came, With ribands all so fine, A-flaunting […]

“Fly to the desert, fly with me.”–LADY HESTER STANHOPE. [Note: For the purposes of his pun on “night-mare,” Hood adroitly utilizes the story of the famous Lady Hester Stanhope, whom Kinglake, in his Eothen, first made familiar to so many of us. He there speaks of the “quiet women in Somersetshire,” and their surprise when […]

“I like to meet a sweep–such as come forth with the dawn, or somewhat earlier, with their little professional notes, sounding like the peep, peep, of a young sparrow.” –ESSAYS OF ELIA. —-“A voice cried Sweep no more! Macbeth hath murdered sweep.” SHAKSPEARE. One morning, ere my usual time I rose, about the seventh chime, […]

“Some are born with a wooden spoon in their mouths, and some with a golden ladle.” GOLDSMITH. “Some are born with tin rings in their noses, and with silver ones.” SILVERSMITH. Who ruined me ere I was born, Sold every acre, grass or corn, And left the next heir all forlorn? My Grandfather. Who said […]

“It’s hame, hame, hame.”–A. CUNNINGHAM. “There’s no place like home.”–CLARI. I. HYMENEAL RETROSPECTIONS. O KATE! my dear Partner, through joy and through strife! When I look back at Hymen’s dear day, Not a lovelier bride ever chang’d to a wife, Though you’re now so old, wizen’d, and gray! Those eyes, then, were stars, shining rulers […]

One Sunday morning–service done– ‘Mongst tombstones shining in the sun, A knot of bumpkins stood to chat Of that and this, and this and that; What people said of Polly Hatch– Which side had won the-cricket match; And who was cotch’d, and who was bowl’d;– How barley, beans, and ‘taters sold– What men could swallow […]

Tom Simpson was as nice a kind of man As ever lived–at least at number Four, In Austin Friars, in Mrs. Brown’s first floor, At fifty pounds,–or thereabouts,–per ann. The Lady reckon’d him her best of lodgers, His rent so punctually paid each quarter,– He did not smoke like nasty foreign codgers– Or play French […]

All you that are too fond of wine, Or any other stuff, Take warning by the dismal fate Of one Lieutenant Luff. A sober man he might have been, Except in one regard, He did not like soft water, So he took to drinking hard! Said he, “Let others fancy slops, And talk in praise […]

AN UNPUBLISHED POEM, FROM SYDNEY. “Vell! Here I am–no Matter how it suits A-keeping Company vith them dumb Brutes; Old Park vos no bad Judge–confound his vig! Of vot vood break the Sperrit of a Prig! “The Like of Me, to come to New Sow Wales To go a-tagging arter Vethers’ Tails And valk in […]

“Twa dogs, that were na thrang at hame, Forgather’d ance upon a time.”–BURNS. One morn–it was the very morn September’s sportive month was born– The hour, about the sunrise, early; The sky gray, sober, still, and pearly, With sundry orange streaks and tinges Through daylight’s door, at cracks and hinges: The air, calm, bracing, freshly […]

“Do you never deviate?” John Bull. In London once I lost my way In faring to and fro, And ask’d a little ragged boy The way that I should go; He gave a nod, and then a wink, And told me to get there “Straight down the Crooked Lane, And all round the Square.” I […]

Let Taylor preach upon a morning breezy How well to rise while nights and larks are flying– For my part getting up seems not so easy By half as lying. What if the lark does carol in the sky, Soaring beyond the sight to find him out– Wherefore am I to rise at such a […]