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113 Works of Mark Twain

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[Written about 1867.] In as few words as possible I wish to lay before the nation what’s here, howsoever small, I have had in this matter–this matter which has so exercised the public mind, engendered so much ill-feeling, and so filled the newspapers of both continents with distorted statements and extravagant comments. The origin of […]

DIED AUGUST 18, 1896; AGED 24 In a fair valley–oh, how long ago, how long ago!– Where all the broad expanse was clothed in vines, And fruitful fields and meadows starred with flowers, And clear streams wandered at their idle will; And still lakes slept, their burnished surfaces A dream of painted clouds, and soft […]

To the Above Old People

Story type: Literature

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Sleep! for the Sun that scores another Day Against the Tale allotted You to stay, Reminding You, is Risen, and now Serves Notice–ah, ignore it while You stay! The chill Wind blew, and those who stood before The Tavern murmured, ‘Having drunk his Score, Why tarries He with empty Cup? Behold, The Wine of Youth […]

My Boyhood Dreams

Story type: Literature

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The dreams of my boyhood? No, they have not been realised. For all who are old, there is something infinitely pathetic about the subject which you have chosen, for in no greyhead’s case can it suggest any but one thing–disappointment. Disappointment is its own reason for its pain: the quality or dignity of the hope […]

Luck

Story type: Literature

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NOTE. This is not a fancy sketch. I got it from a clergyman who was an instructor at Woolwich forty years ago, and who vouched for its truth. —M.T. It was at a banquet in London in honour of one of the two or three conspicuously illustrious English military names of this generation. For reasons […]

I I have a project to suggest. But first I will write a chapter of introduction. I have just been witnessing a remarkable play, here at the Burg Theatre in Vienna. I do not know of any play that much resembles it. In fact, it is such a departure from the common laws of the […]

Correspondence of the ‘London Times’ Chicago, April 1, 1904 I resume by cable-telephone where I left off yesterday. For many hours now, this vast city–along with the rest of the globe, of course–has talked of nothing but the extraordinary episode mentioned in my last report. In accordance with your instructions, I will now trace the […]

Last spring I went out to Chicago to see the Fair, and although I did not see it my trip was not wholly lost–there were compensations. In New York I was introduced to a Major in the regular army who said he was going to the Fair, and we agreed to go together. I had […]

VIENNA, January 5–I find in this morning’s papers the statement that the Government of the United States has paid to the two members of the Peace Commission entitled to receive money for their services 100,000 dollars each for their six weeks’ work in Paris. I hope that this is true. I will allow myself the […]

Johnny Greer

Story type: Literature

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“The church was densely crowded that lovely summer Sabbath,” said the Sunday-school superintendent, “and all, as their eyes rested upon the small coffin, seemed impressed by the poor black boy’s fate. Above the stillness the pastor’s voice rose, and chained the interest of every ear as he told, with many an envied compliment, how that […]

The Office Bore

Story type: Literature

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[Written about 1869] He arrives just as regularly as the clock strikes nine in the morning. And so he even beats the editor sometimes, and the porter must leave his work and climb two or three pairs of stairs to unlock the “Sanctum” door and let him in. He lights one of the office pipes–not […]

[Written about 1869.] It is seldom pleasant to tell on oneself, but some times it is a sort of relief to a man to make a confession. I wish to unburden my mind now, and yet I almost believe that I am moved to do it more because I long to bring censure upon another […]

I was a very smart child at the age of thirteen–an unusually smart child, I thought at the time. It was then that I did my first newspaper scribbling, and most unexpectedly to me it stirred up a fine sensation in the community. It did, indeed, and I was very proud of it, too. I […]

[As related to the author of this book by Mr. McWilliams, a pleasant New York gentleman whom the said author met by chance on a journey.] Well, to go back to where I was before I digressed to explain to you how that frightful and incurable disease, membranous croup,[Diphtheria D.W.] was ravaging the town and […]

To Raise Poultry

Story type: Literature

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–[Being a letter written to a Poultry Society that had conferred a complimentary membership upon the author. Written about 1870.] Seriously, from early youth I have taken an especial interest in the subject of poultry-raising, and so this membership touches a ready sympathy in my breast. Even as a schoolboy, poultry-raising was a study with […]

[Written about 1865.] “MORAL STATISTICIAN.”–I don’t want any of your statistics; I took your whole batch and lit my pipe with it. I hate your kind of people. You are always ciphering out how much a man’s health is injured, and how much his intellect is impaired, and how many pitiful dollars and cents he […]

Niagara

Story type: Literature

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Written about 1871. Niagara Falls is a most enjoyable place of resort. The hotels are excellent, and the prices not at all exorbitant. The opportunities for fishing are not surpassed in the country; in fact, they are not even equaled elsewhere. Because, in other localities, certain places in the streams are much better than others; […]

These annual bills! these annual bills! How many a song their discord trills Of “truck” consumed, enjoyed, forgot, Since I was skinned by last year’s lot! Those joyous beans are passed away; Those onions blithe, O where are they? Once loved, lost, mourned–now vexing ILLS Your shades troop back in annual bills! And so ’twill […]

Journalism In Tennessee

Story type: Literature

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[Written about 1871.] The editor of the Memphis Avalanche swoops thus mildly down upon a correspondent who posted him as a Radical:–“While he was writing the first word, the middle, dotting his i’s, crossing his t’s, and punching his period, he knew he was concocting a sentence that was saturated with infamy and reeking with […]

Political Economy

Story type: Literature

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Political Economy is the basis of all good government. The wisest men of all ages have brought to bear upon this subject the– [Here I was interrupted and informed that a stranger wished to see me down at the door. I went and confronted him, and asked to know his business, struggling all the time […]