“O son of mine age, these eyes lose their fire: Be eyes, I pray, to thy dying sire.” “O father, fear not, for mine eyes are bright– I read through a millstone at dead of night.” “My son, O tell me, who are those men, Rushing like pigs to the feeding-pen?” “Welcomers they of a […]

Like a worn mother he attempts in vain To still the unruly Crier of his brain: The more he rocks the cradle of his chin The more uproarious grows the brat within.

I’d long been dead, but I returned to earth. Some small affairs posterity was making A mess of, and I came to see that worth Received its dues. I’d hardly finished waking, The grave-mould still upon me, when my eye Perceived a statue standing straight and high. ‘Twas a colossal figure–bronze and gold– Nobly designed, […]

A Fisherman who had caught a very small Fish was putting it in his basket when it said: “I pray you put me back into the stream, for I can be of no use to you; the gods do not eat fish.” “But I am no god,” said the Fisherman. “True,” said the Fish, “but […]

Ira P. Rankin, you’ve a nasal name– I’ll sound it through “the speaking-trump of fame,” And wondering nations, hearing from afar The brazen twang of its resounding jar, Shall say: “These bards are an uncommon class– They blow their noses with a tube of brass!” Rankin! ye gods! if Influenza pick Our names at christening, […]

One day in winter a hungry Grasshopper applied to an Ant for some of the food which they had stored. “Why,” said the Ant, “did you not store up some food for yourself, instead of singing all the time?” “So I did,” said the Grasshopper; “so I did; but you fellows broke in and carried […]

I dreamed one night that Stephen Massett died, And for admission up at Heaven applied. “Who are you?” asked St. Peter. Massett said: “Jeems Pipes, of Pipesville.” Peter bowed his head, Opened the gates and said: “I’m glad to know you, And wish we’d something better, sir, to show you.” “Don’t mention it,” said Stephen, […]

“Let John P. Irish rise!” the edict rang As when Creation into being sprang! Nature, not clearly understanding, tried To make a bird that on the air could ride. But naught could baffle the creative plan– Despite her efforts ’twas almost a man. Yet he had risen–to the bird a twin– Had she but fixed […]

Who in a Memorial Day oration protested bitterly against decorating the graves of Confederate dead. What! Salomon! such words from you, Who call yourself a soldier? Well, The Southern brother where he fell Slept all your base oration through. Alike to him–he cannot know Your praise or blame: as little harm Your tongue can do […]

A Man travelling in a desert met a Woman. “Who art thou?” asked the Man, “and why dost thou dwell in this dreadful place?” “My name,” replied the Woman, “is Truth; and I live in the desert in order to be near my worshippers when they are driven from among their fellows. They all come, […]

An Eagle mortally wounded by an Archer was greatly comforted to observe that the arrow was feathered with one of his own quills. “I should have felt bad, indeed,” he said, “to think that any other eagle had a hand in this.”

A Boy who had been taught by his Mother to steal grew to be a man and was a professional public official. One day he was taken in the act and condemned to die. While going to the place of execution he passed his Mother and said to her: “Behold your work! If you had […]

Your influence, my friend, has gathered head– To east and west its tides encroaching spread. There’ll be, on all God’s foot-stool, when they meet, No clean spot left for God to set His feet.

A Woodchopper, who had dropped his axe into a deep pool, besought Mercury to recover it for him. That thoughtless deity immediately plunged into the pool, which became so salivated that the trees about its margin all came loose and dropped out.

Strolling at sunset in my native land, With fruits and flowers thick on either hand, I crossed a Shadow flung athwart my way, Emerging on a waste of rock and sand. “The apples all are gone from here,” I said, “The roses perished and their spirits fled. I will go back.” A voice cried out: […]

Goldenson hanged! Well, Heaven forbid That I should smile above him: Though truth to tell, I never did Exactly love him. It can’t be wrong, though, to rejoice That his unpleasing capers Are ended. Silent is his voice In all the papers. No longer he’s a show: no more, Bear-like, his den he’s walking. No […]

What! Pixley, must I hear you call the roll Of all the vices that infest your soul? Was’t not enough that lately you did bawl Your money-worship in the ears of all?[A] Still must you crack your brazen cheek to tell That though a miser you’re a sot as well? Still must I hear how […]

Some one (’tis hardly new) has oddly said The color of a trumpet’s blare is red; And Joseph Emmett thinks the crimson shame On woman’s cheek a trumpet-note of fame. The more the red storm rises round her nose– The more her eyes averted seek her toes, He fancies all the louder he can hear […]

A Man who had been bitten by a Dog was told that the wound would heal if he would dip a piece of bread in the blood and give it to the Dog. He did so. “No,” said the Dog; “if I were to accept that, it might be thought that in biting you I […]

To him in whom the love of Nature has Imperfectly supplanted the desire And dread necessity of food, your shore, Fair Oakland, is a terror. Over all Your sunny level, from Tamaletown To where the Pestuary’s fragrant slime, With dead dogs studded, bears its ailing fleet, Broods the still menace of starvation. Bones Of men […]