(Note: Dod Grile is pseudonym of Ambrose Bierce.) … Following is the manner of death incurred by Dr. Deadwood, the celebrated African explorer, which took place at Ujijijijiji, under the auspices of the Royal Geographical Society of England, assisted, at some distance, by Mr. Shandy of the New York Herald;– An intelligent gorilla has recently […]

(Note: Dod Grile is pseudonym of Ambrose Bierce.) Passing down Commercial-street one fine day, I observed a lady standing alone in the middle of the sidewalk, with no obvious business there, but with apparently no intention of going on. She was outwardly very calm, and seemed at first glance to be lost in some serene […]

It was midnight-a black, wet, midnight-in a great city by the sea. The church clocks were booming the hour, in tones half-smothered by the marching rain, when an officer of the watch saw a female figure glide past him like a ghost in the gloom, and make directly toward a wharf. The officer felt that […]

(Note: Dod Grile is pseudonym of Ambrose Bierce.) A poor brokendown drunkard returned to his dilapidated domicile early on New Year’s morn. The great bells of the churches were jarring the creamy moonlight which lay above the soggy undercrust of mud and snow. As he heard their joyous peals, announcing the birth of a new […]

A merry Christmas? Prudent, as I live!– You wish me something that you need not give. Merry or sad, what does it signify? To you ‘t is equal if I laugh, or die. Your hollow greeting, like a parrot’s jest, Finds all its meaning in the ear addressed. Why “merry” Christmas? Faith, I’d rather frown […]

Affronting fool, subdue your transient light; When Wisdom’s dull dares Folly to be bright: If Genius stumble in the path to fame, ‘Tis decency in dunces to go lame.

Cried Allen Forman: “Doctor, pray Compose my spirits’ strife: O what may be my chances, say, Of living all my life? “For lately I have dreamed of high And hempen dissolution! O doctor, doctor, how can I Amend my constitution?” The learned leech replied: “You’re young And beautiful and strong– Permit me to inspect your […]

A traveler observed one day A loaded fruit-tree by the way. And reining in his horse exclaimed: “The man is greatly to be blamed Who, careless of good morals, leaves Temptation in the way of thieves. Now lest some villain pass this way And by this fruit be led astray To bag it, I will […]

No more the swindler singly seeks his prey; To hunt in couples is the modern way– A rascal, from the public to purloin, An honest man to hide away the coin.

O, hadst thou died when thou wert great, When at thy feet a nation knelt To sob the gratitude it felt And thank the Saviour of the State, Gods might have envied thee thy fate! Then was the laurel round thy brow, And friend and foe spoke praise of thee, While all our hearts sang […]

See, Lord, fanatics all arrayed For revolution! To foil their villainous crusade Unsheathe again the sacred blade Of persecution. What though through long disuse ‘t is grown A trifle rusty? ‘Gainst modern heresy, whose bone Is rotten, and the flesh fly-blown, It still is trusty. Of sterner stuff thine ancient foes, Unapprehensive, Sprang forth to […]

Day of Satan’s painful duty! Earth shall vanish, hot and sooty; So says Virtue, so says Beauty. Ah! what terror shall be shaping When the Judge the truth’s undraping! Cats from every bag escaping! Now the trumpet’s invocation Calls the dead to condemnation; All receive an invitation. Death and Nature now are quaking, And the […]

A recent republication of the late Gen. John A. Dix’s disappointing translation of this famous medieval hymn, together with some researches into its history which I happened to be making at the time, induces me to undertake a translation myself. It may seem presumption in me to attempt that which so many eminent scholars of […]

[The Church possesses the unerring compass whose needle points directly and persistently to the star of the eternal law of God.–Religious Weekly.] The Church’s compass, if you please, Has two or three (or more) degrees Of variation; And many a soul has gone to grief On this or that or t’other reef Through faith unreckoning […]

“What’s in the paper?” Oh, it’s dev’lish dull: There’s nothing happening at all–a lull After the war-storm. Mr. Someone’s wife Killed by her lover with, I think, a knife. A fire on Blank Street and some babies–one, Two, three or four, I don’t remember, done To quite a delicate and lovely brown. A husband shot […]

“What are those, father?” “Statesmen, my child– Lacrymose, unparliamentary, wild.” “What are they that way for, father?” “Last fall, ‘Our candidate’s better,’ they said, ‘than all!’” “What did they say he was, father?” “A man Built on a straight incorruptible plan– Believing that none for an office would do Unless he were honest and capable […]

I dreamed that I was dead. The years went by: The world forgot that such a man as I Had ever lived and written: other names Were hailed with homage, in their turn to die. Out of my grave a giant beech upgrew. Its roots transpierced my body, through and through, My substance fed its […]

A man born blind received his sight By a painful operation; And these are things he saw in the light Of an infant observation. He saw a merchant, good and wise. And greatly, too, respected, Who looked, to those imperfect eyes, Like a swindler undetected. He saw a patriot address A noisy public meeting. And […]

Says England to Germany: “Africa’s ours.” Says Germany: “Ours, I opine.” Says Africa: “Tell me, delectable Pow’rs, What is it that ought to be mine?”

Tut-tut! give back the flags–how can you care You veterans and heroes? Why should you at a kind intention swear Like twenty Neroes? Suppose the act was not so overwise– Suppose it was illegal– Is ‘t well on such a question to arise And pinch the Eagle? Nay, let’s economize his breath to scold And […]