I drew aside the Future’s veil And saw upon his bier The poet Whitman. Loud the wail And damp the falling tear. “He’s dead–he is no more!” one cried, With sobs of sorrow crammed; “No more? He’s this much more,” replied Another: “he is damned!” 1885.

Nightly I put up this humble petition: “Forgive me, O Father of Glories, My sins of commission, my sins of omission, My sins of the Mission Dolores.”

Mrs. Mehitable Marcia Moore Was a dame of superior mind, With a gown which, modestly fitting before, Was greatly puffed up behind. The bustle she wore was ingeniously planned With an inspiration bright: It magnified seven diameters and Was remarkably nice and light. It was made of rubber and edged with lace And riveted all […]

Sir Impycu Lackland, from over the sea, Has led to the altar Miss Bloatie Bondee. The wedding took place at the Church of St. Blare; The fashion, the rank and the wealth were all there– No person was absent of all whom one meets. Lord Mammon himself bowed them into their seats, While good Sir […]

Did I believe the angels soon would call You, my beloved, to the other shore, And I should never see you any more, I love you so I know that I should fall Into dejection utterly, and all Love’s pretty pageantry, wherein we bore Twin banners bravely in the tumult’s fore, Would seem as shadows […]

They were two deaf mutes, and they loved and they Resolved to be groom and bride; And they listened to nothing that any could say, Nor ever a word replied. From wedlock when warned by the married men, Maintain an invincible mind: Be deaf and dumb until wedded–and then Be deaf and dumb and blind.

When Adam first saw Eve he said: “O lovely creature, share my bed.” Before consenting, she her gaze Fixed on the greensward to appraise, As well as vision could avouch, The value of the proffered couch. And seeing that the grass was green And neatly clipped with a machine– Observing that the flow’rs were rare […]

A spitcat sate on a garden gate And a snapdog fared beneath; Careless and free was his mien, and he Held a fiddle-string in his teeth. She marked his march, she wrought an arch Of her back and blew up her tail; And her eyes were green as ever were seen, And she uttered a […]

Och! Father McGlynn, Ye appear to be in Fer a bit of a bout wid the Pope; An’ there’s divil a doubt But he’s knockin’ ye out While ye’re hangin’ onto the rope. An’ soon ye’ll lave home To thravel to Rome, For its bound to Canossa ye are. Persistin’ to shtay When ye’re ordered […]

Lord of the tempest, pray refrain From leveling this church again. Now in its doom, as so you’ve willed it, We acquiesce. But you’ll rebuild it.

“Lothario is very low,” So all the doctors tell. Nay, nay, not so–he will be, though, If ever he get well.

What! you a Senator–you, Mike de Young? Still reeking of the gutter whence you sprung? Sir, if all Senators were such as you, Their hands so crimson and so slender, too,– (Shaped to the pocket for commercial work, For literary, fitted to the dirk)– So black their hearts, so lily-white their livers, The toga’s touch […]

What, madam, run for School Director? You? And want my vote and influence? Well, well, That beats me! Gad! where are we drifting to? In all my life I never have heard tell Of such sublime presumption, and I smell A nigger in the fence! Excuse me, madam; We statesmen sometimes speak like the old […]

I saw the devil–he was working free: A customs-house he builded by the sea. “Why do you this?” The devil raised his head; “Churches and courts I’ve built enough,” he said.

Down in Southern Arizona where the Gila monster thrives, And the “Mescalero,” gifted with a hundred thousand lives, Every hour renounces one of them by drinking liquid flame– The assassinating wassail that has given him his name; Where the enterprising dealer in Caucasian hair is seen To hold his harvest festival upon his village-green, While […]

Upon my desk a single spray, With starry blossoms fraught. I write in many an idle way, Thinking one serious thought. “O flowers, a fine Greek name ye bear, And with a fine Greek grace.” Be still, O heart, that turns to share The sunshine of a face. “Have ye no messages–no brief, Still sign: […]

Come in, old gentleman. How do you do? Delighted, I’m sure, that you’ve called. I’m a sociable sort of a chap and you Are a pleasant-appearing person, too, With a head agreeably bald. That’s right–sit down in the scuttle of coal And put up your feet in a chair. It is better to have them […]

What! imitate me, friend? Suppose that you With agony and difficulty do What I do easily–what then? You’ve got A style I heartily wish I had not. If I from lack of sense and you from choice Grieve the judicious and the unwise rejoice, No equal censure our deserts will suit– We both are fools, […]

A famous conqueror, in battle brave, Who robbed the cradle to supply the grave. His reign laid quantities of human dust: He fell upon the just and the unjust.

He looked upon the ships as they All idly lay at anchor, Their sides with gorgeous workmen gay– The riveter and planker– Republicans and Democrats, Statesmen and politicians. He saw the swarm of prudent rats Swimming for land positions. He marked each “belted cruiser” fine, Her poddy life-belts floating In tether where the hungry brine […]