A Broomstick which had long served a witch as a steed complained of the nature of its employment, which it thought degrading. “Very well,” said the Witch, “I will give you work in which you will be associated with intellect–you will come in contact with brains. I shall present you to a housewife.” “What!” said […]

A Mind Reader made a wager that he would be buried alive and remain so for six months, then be dug up alive. In order to secure the grave against secret disturbance, it was sown with thistles. At the end of three months, the Mind Reader lost his money. He had come up to eat […]

A Political Leader was walking out one sunny day, when he observed his Shadow leaving him and walking rapidly away. “Come back here, you scoundrel,” he cried. “If I had been a scoundrel,” answered the Shadow, increasing its speed, “I should not have left you.”

A Member of the Kansas Legislature meeting a Cake of Soap was passing it by without recognition, but the Cake of Soap insisted on stopping and shaking hands. Thinking it might possibly be in the enjoyment of the elective franchise, he gave it a cordial and earnest grasp. On letting it go he observed that […]

A Rat that was about to emerge from his hole caught a glimpse of a Cat waiting for him, and descending to the colony at the bottom of the hole invited a Friend to join him in a visit to a neighbouring corn-bin. “I would have gone alone,” he said, “but could not deny myself […]

An Author saw a Labourer hammering stones into the pavement of a street, and approaching him said: “My friend, you seem weary. Ambition is a hard taskmaster.” “I’m working for Mr. Jones, sir,” the Labourer replied. “Well, cheer up,” the Author resumed; “fame comes at the most unexpected times. To-day you are poor, obscure, and […]

An Assassin being put upon trial in a New England court, his Counsel rose and said: “Your Honour, I move for a discharge on the ground of ‘once in jeopardy’: my client has been already tried for that murder and acquitted.” “In what court?” asked the Judge. “In the Superior Court of San Francisco,” the […]

The Pahdour of Patagascar and the Gookul of Madagonia were disputing about an island which both claimed. Finally, at the suggestion of the International League of Cannon Founders, which had important branches in both countries, they decided to refer their claims to the Bumbo of Jiam, and abide by his judgment. In settling the preliminaries […]

Two Poets were quarrelling for the Apple of Discord and the Bone of Contention, for they were very hungry. “My sons,” said Apollo, “I will part the prizes between you. You,” he said to the First Poet, “excel in Art–take the Apple. And you,” he said to the Second Poet, “in Imagination–take the Bone.” “To […]

The two brightest lights of Theosophy being in the same place at once in company with the Ashes of Madame Blavatsky, an Inquiring Soul thought the time propitious to learn something worth while. So he sat at the feet of one awhile, and then he sat awhile at the feet of the other, and at […]

One day an Opossum who had gone to sleep hanging from the highest branch of a tree by the tail, awoke and saw a large Snake wound about the limb, between him and the trunk of the tree. “If I hold on,” he said to himself, “I shall be swallowed; if I let go I […]

Seventy-Five Men presented themselves before the President of the Humane Society and demanded the great gold medal for life-saving. “Why, yes,” said the President; “by diligent effort so many men must have saved a considerable number of lives. How many did you save?” “Seventy-five, sir,” replied their Spokesman. “Ah, yes, that is one each–very good […]

A Distinguished Naturalist was travelling in Australia, when he saw a Kangaroo in session and flung a stone at it. The Kangaroo immediately adjourned, tracing against the sunset sky a parabolic curve spanning seven provinces, and evanished below the horizon. The Distinguished Naturalist looked interested, but said nothing for an hour; then he said to […]

A Man in a Hurry, whose watch was at his lawyer’s, asked a Grave Person the time of day. “I heard you ask that Party Over There the same question,” said the Grave Person. “What answer did he give you?” “He said it was about three o’clock,” replied the Man in a Hurry; “but he […]

One pleasant day in the latter part of eternity, as the Shades of all the great writers were reposing upon beds of asphodel and moly in the Elysian fields, each happy in hearing from the lips of the others nothing but copious quotation from his own works (for so Jove had kindly bedeviled their ears), […]

The republic of Madagonia had been long and well represented at the court of the King of Patagascar by an officer called a Dazie, but one day the Madagonian Parliament conferred upon him the superior rank of Dandee. The next day after being apprised of his new dignity he hastened to inform the King of […]

A Pious Person who had overcharged his paunch with dead bird by way of attesting his gratitude for escaping the many calamities which Heaven had sent upon others, fell asleep at table and dreamed. He thought he lived in a country where turkeys were the ruling class, and every year they held a feast to […]

An Inoffensive Person walking in a public place was assaulted by a Stranger with a Club, and severely beaten. When the Stranger with a Club was brought to trial, the complainant said to the Judge: “I do not know why I was assaulted; I have not an enemy in the world.” “That,” said the defendant, […]

“I see quite a number of rings on your tail,” said an Alderman to a Raccoon that he met in a zoological garden. “Yes,” replied the Raccoon, “and I hear quite a number of tales on your ring.” The Alderman, being of a sensitive, retiring disposition, shrank from further comparison, and, strolling to another part […]

An Ingenious Man who had built a flying-machine invited a great concourse of people to see it go up. At the appointed moment, everything being ready, he boarded the car and turned on the power. The machine immediately broke through the massive substructure upon which it was builded, and sank out of sight into the […]