William Bales–as nice a young man as ever wore a cummerbund on an esplanade–was in despair. For half-an-hour he and Miss Spratt had been sitting in silence on the pier, and it was still William’s turn to say something. Miss Spratt’s last remark had been, “Oh, Mr. Bales, you do say things!” and William felt […]

“Know thyself,” said the old Greek motto. (In Greek–but this is an English book.) So I bought a little red volume called, tersely enough, Were you born in January? I was; and, reassured on this point, the author told me all about myself. For the most part he told me nothing new. “You are,” he […]

When, five years ago, I used to write long letters to Margery, for some reason or other she never wrote back. To save her face I had to answer the letters myself–a tedious business. Still, I must admit that the warmth and geniality of the replies gave me a certain standing with my friends, who […]

He was a pale, enthusiastic young man of the name of Simms; and he held forth to us at great length about his latest hobby. “Now I’ll just show you a little experiment,” he wound up, “one that I have never known to fail. First of all I want you to hide a needle somewhere, […]

“Why don’t you sit up?” said Adela at dinner, suddenly prodding me in the back. Adela is old enough to take a motherly interest in my figure, and young enough to look extremely pretty while doing so. “I always stoop at meals,” I explained; “it helps the circulation. My own idea.” “But it looks so […]

It is Chum’s birthday to-morrow and I am going to buy him a little whip for a present, with a whistle at the end of it. When I next go into the country to see him I shall take it with me and explain it to him. Two day’s firmness would make him quite a […]

There may be gardeners who can appear to be busy all the year round–doing even in the winter, their little bit under glass. But for myself I wait reverently until the 22nd of March is here. Then, Spring having officially arrived, I step out on to the lawn and summon my head-gardener. “James,” I say, […]

Ronald, surveying the world from his taxi–that pleasant corner of the world, St. James’s Park–gave a sigh of happiness. The blue sky, the lawn of daffodils, the mist of green upon the trees, were but a promise of the better things which the country held for him. Beautiful as he thought the daffodils, he found […]

The Scene is the Editor’s room in the Office of “The Lark.” Two walls of the room are completely hidden from floor to ceiling by magnificently bound books; the third wall at the back is hidden by boxes of immensely expensive cigars. The windows, of course, are in the fourth wall, which, however, need not […]

[~Note.~– There are only six plots allowed to us who are not professionals. Here they are. When you have read them, then you will know all about amateur theatricals. ] The scene is an apartment in the mansion of Sir Thomas Farthingale. There is no need to describe the furniture in it, as rehearsals will […]

Dinner was a very quiet affair. Not a soul drew my chair away from under me as I sat down, and during the meal nobody threw bread about. We talked gently of art and politics and things; and when the ladies left there was no booby trap waiting for them at the door. In a […]

I sat in the drawing-room after dinner with my knees together and my hands in my lap, and waited for the game to be explained to me. “There’s a pencil for you,” said somebody. “Thank you very much,” I said and put it carefully away. Evidently I had won a forfeit already. It wasn’t a […]

“Then you really are coming?” said Queen Elizabeth. “Yes, I really am,” I sighed. “What as?” “I don’t know at all–something with a cold. I leave it to you, partner, only don’t go a black suit.” “What about Richelieu?” “I should never be able to pronounce that,” I confessed. “Besides, I always think that these […]