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The Jealousy of le Barbouille (La Jalousie du Barbouille)
Author: Jean Baptiste Poquelin de Moliere
Translator: Charles Heron Wall

Among the small farces said to have been sketched by Moliere during his stay in the provinces, two only which seem genuine have come down to us, and have been published for the last thirty years with his comedies. These are, ‘La Jalousie du Barbouille,’ and ‘Le Medecin Volant.’ Moliere has made use of the former in the third act of the comedy called ‘George Dandin.’

Moliere acted the part of Le Barbouille.

PERSONS REPRESENTED

.

LE BARBOUILLE, husband to ANGELIQUE.
THE DOCTOR.
ANGELIQUE.
VALERE, lover to ANGELIQUE.
CATHAU, maid to ANGELIQUE.
GORGIBUS, father to ANGELIQUE.
VILLEBREQUIN.
LA VALLEE.

SCENE I

.–LE BARBOUILLE.

BAR

. Everybody must acknowledge that I am the most unfortunate of men! I have a wife who plagues me to death; and who, instead of bringing me comfort and doing things as I like them to be done, makes me swear at her twenty times a day. Instead of keeping at home, she likes gadding about, eating good dinners, and passing her time with people of I don’t know what description. Ah! poor Barbouille, how much you are to be pitied! But she must be punished. Suppose you killed her?… It would do no good, for you would be hung afterwards. If you were to have her sent to prison?… The minx would find means of coming out. What the deuce are you to do?–But here is the doctor coming out this way; suppose I ask his advice on my difficulties.

SCENE II

.–DOCTOR, LE BARBOUILLE.

BAR

. I was going to fetch you, to beg for your opinion on a question of great importance to me.

DOC

. You must be very ill-bred, very loutish, and very badly taught, my friend, to speak to me in that fashion, without first taking off your hat, without observing rationem loci, temporis et personae. What! you begin by an abrupt speech, instead of saying Salve, vel salvus sis, doctor doctorum eruditissime. What do you take me for, eh?

BAR

. Really, doctor, I am very sorry; the fact is that I am almost beside myself, and did not think of what I was doing; but I know you are a gallant man.

DOC

. Do you know what gallant man comes from?

BAR

. It matters little to me whether it comes from Villejuif or Aubervilliers.

DOC

. Know that the word gallant man comes from elegant. By taking the g and the a of the last syllable, that makes ga; then by taking the two ll‘s, adding a and the two last letters nt, that makes gallant; then by adding man you have gallant man. But to come back to what I said; What do you take me for?

BAR

. I take you for a doctor. But let us speak a little of what I have to propose to you. You must know that …

DOC

. Let me tell you first that I am not only a doctor, but that I am one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten times doctor. Firstly, number one is the base, the foundation, and the first of all numbers; so am I the first of all doctors, the most learned of the learned. Secondly, there are two faculties essential for a perfect knowledge of things: the sense and the understanding; I am all sense, all understanding: ergo, I am twice doctor.

BAR

. Agreed. What I want …