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The Meanness Of Rosy
by [?]

Cap’n Jonadab said that the South Seas and them islands was full of queer happenings, anyhow. Said that Eri’s yarn reminded him of one that Jule Sparrow used to tell. There was a Cockney in that yarn, too, and a South Sea woman and a schooner. But in other respects the stories was different.

“You all know Wash Sparrow, here in Wellmouth,” says the Cap’n. “He’s the laziest man in town. It runs in his family. His dad was just the same. The old man died of creeping paralysis, which was just the disease he’d pick out TO die of, and even then he took six years to do it in. Washy’s brother Jule, Julius Caesar Sparrow, he was as no-account and lazy as the rest. When he was around this neighborhood he put in his time swapping sea lies for heat from the post-office stove, and the only thing that would get him livened up at all was the mention of a feller named ‘Rosy’ that he knew while he was seafaring, way off on t’other side of the world. Jule used to say that ’twas this Rosy that made him lose faith in human nature.

“The first time ever Julius and Rosy met was one afternoon just as the Emily–that was the little fore-and-aft South Sea trading schooner Jule was in–was casting off from the ramshackle landing at Hello Island. Where’s Hello Island? Well, I’ll tell you. When you get home you take your boy’s geography book and find the map of the world. About amidships of the sou’western quarter of it you’ll see a place where the Pacific Ocean is all broke out with the measles. Yes; well, one of them measle spots is Hello Island.

“‘Course that ain’t the real name of it. The real one is spelt with four o’s, three a’s, five i’s, and a peck measure of h’s and x’s hove in to fill up. It looks like a plate of hash and that’s the way it’s pronounced. Maybe you might sing it if ’twas set to music, but no white man ever said the whole of it. Them that tried always broke down on the second fathom or so and said ‘Oh, the hereafter!’ or words to that effect. ‘Course the missionaries see that wouldn’t do, so they twisted it stern first and it’s been Hello Island to most folks ever since.

“Why Jule was at Hello Island is too long a yarn. Biled down it amounts to a voyage on a bark out of Seattle, and a first mate like yours, Eri, who was a kind of Christian Science chap and cured sick sailors by the laying on of hands–likewise feet and belaying pins and ax handles and such. And, according to Jule’s tell, he DID cure ’em, too. After he’d jumped up and down on your digestion a few times you forgot all about the disease you started in with and only remembered the complications. Him and Julius had their final argument one night when the bark was passing abreast one of the Navigator Islands, close in. Jule hove a marlinespike at the mate’s head and jumped overboard. He swum ashore to the beach and, inside of a week, he’d shipped aboard the Emily. And ’twas aboard the Emily, and at Hello Island, as I said afore, that he met Rosy.

“George Simmons–a cockney Britisher he was, and skipper–was standing at the schooner’s wheel, swearing at the two Kanaka sailors who were histing the jib. Julius, who was mate, was roosting on the lee rail amid-ships, helping him swear. And old Teunis Van Doozen, a Dutchman from Java or thereabouts, who was cook, was setting on a stool by the galley door ready to heave in a word whenever ’twas necessary. The Kanakas was doing the work. That was the usual division of labor aboard the Emily.