PAGE 4
Enigma: A Domestic Conversation
by
HE.
But, Helen!
SHE.
Yes–our old happiness…. Don’t you remember, Paul, how beautiful everything was–? ( She covers her face with her hands, and then looks up again.) Give it back to me, Paul!
HE.
( torn with conflicting wishes )
Do you really believe, Helen…?
SHE.
I know we can be happy again. It was all ours,
and we must have it once more, just as it was.
( She holds out her hands.)
Paul! Paul!
HE.
( desperately )
Let me think!
SHE.
(scornfully)
Oh, your thinking! I know! Think, then–think of all the times I’ve been cruel to you. Think of my wantonness–my wickedness–not of my poor, tormented attempts at happiness. My lovers, yes! Think hard, and save yourself from any more discomfort. . . . But no–you’re in no danger. . . .
HE.
What do you mean?
SHE.
( laughing hysterically )
You haven’t believed what I’ve been saying all this while, have you?
HE.
Almost.
SHE.
Then don’t. I’ve been lying.
HE.
Again?
SHE.
Again, yes.
HE.
I suspected it.
SHE.
( mockingly )
Wise man!
HE.
You don’t love me, then?
SHE.
Why should I? Do you want me to?
HE.
I make no demands upon you. You know that.
SHE.
You can get along without me?
HE.
( coldly )
Why not?
SHE.
Good. Then I’ll tell you the truth!
HE.
That would be interesting!
SHE.
I was afraid you did want me! And–I was sorry for you,
Paul–I thought if you did, I would try to make things up to you,
by starting over again–if you wanted to.
HE.
So that was it. . . .
SHE.
Yes, that was it. And so–
HE.
( harshly )
You needn’t say any more. Will you go, or shall I?
SHE.
( lightly )
I’m going, Paul. But I think–since we may not meet this time next year–that I’d better tell you the secret of that third time. When you asked me a while ago, I cried, and said I couldn’t talk about it. But I can now.
HE.
You mean–
SHE.
Yes. My last cruelty.
I had a special reason for being cruel to you. Shan’t I tell you?
HE.
Just as you please.
SHE.
My reason was this: I had learned what it is to love–and I knew that I had never loved you–never. I wanted to hurt you so much that you would leave me. I wanted to hurt you in such a way as to keep you from ever coming near me again. I was afraid that if you did forgive me and take me in your arms, you would feel me shudder, and see the terror and loathing in my eyes. I wanted–for even then I cared for you a little–to spare you that.
HE.
( speaking with difficulty )
Are you going?
SHE.
( lifting from the table a desk calendar, and tearing
a leaf from it, which she holds in front of him.
Her voice is tender with an inexplicable regret.)
Did you notice the date? It is the eighth of June.
Do you remember what day that is?
We used to celebrate it once a year. It is the day
–( the leaf flutters to the table in front of him )
–the day of our first kiss. . . .
He sits looking at her. For a moment it seems clear to him that they still love each other, and that a single word from him, a mere gesture, the holding out of his arms to her, will reunite them. And then he doubts. . . . She is watching him; she turns at last toward the door, hesitates, and then walks slowly out. When she has gone he takes up the torn leaf from the calendar, and holds it in his hands, looking at it with the air of a man confronted by an unsolvable enigma.