FullReads

HE.
I did talk that way. But I wasn’t a superman. I was only a damned fool.

SHE.
And Paul, when I first realized that it might be hurting you
–that you were human after all–I stopped. You know I stopped.

HE.
Yes–that time.

SHE.
Can’t you understand? I stopped because I thought you were a person like myself, suffering like myself. It wasn’t easy to stop. It tore me to pieces. But I suffered rather than let you suffer. But when I saw you recover your serenity in a day while the love that I had struck down in my heart for your sake cried out in a death agony for months, I felt again that you were superior, inhuman–and I hated you for it.

HE.
Did I deceive you so well as that?

SHE.
And when the next time came, I wanted to see if it was real, this godlike serenity of yours. I wanted to tear off the mask. I wanted to see you suffer as I had suffered. And that is why I was cruel to you the second time.

HE.
And the third time–what about that?

She bursts into tears, and sinks to the floor,

with her head on the chair, sheltered by her arms.

Then she looks up.

SHE.
Oh, I can’t talk about that–I can’t. It’s too near.

HE.
I beg your pardon.
I don’t wish to show an unseemly curiosity about your private affairs.

SHE.
If you were human, you would know that there is a difference between one’s last love and all that have gone before. I can talk about the others–but this one still hurts.

HE.
I see. Should we chance to meet next year, you will tell me about it then. The joys of new love will have healed the pains of the old.

SHE.
There will be no more joy or pain of love for me. You do not believe that. But that part of me which loves is dead. Do you think I have come through all this unhurt? No. I cannot hope any more, I cannot believe. There is nothing left for me. All I have left is regret for the happiness that you and I have spoiled between us. . . . Oh, Paul, why did you ever teach me your Olympian philosophy? Why did you make me think that we were gods and could do whatever we chose? If we had realized that we were only weak human beings, we might have saved our happiness!

HE.
( shaken )

We tried to reckon with facts–I cannot blame myself for that. The facts of human nature: people do have love affairs within love affairs. I was not faithful to you. . . .

SHE.
( rising to her feet )

But you had the decency to be dishonest about it. You did not tell me the truth, in spite of all your theories. I might never have found out. You knew better than to shake my belief in our love. But I trusted your philosophy, and flaunted my lovers before you. I never realized–

HE.
Be careful, my dear. You are contradicting yourself!

SHE.
I know I am. I don’t care. I no longer know what the truth is. I only know that I am filled with remorse for what has happened. Why did it happen? Why did we let it happen? Why didn’t you stop me? . . . I want it back!