PAGE 2
Enigma: A Domestic Conversation
by
SHE.
Yes. I’ve said that before. And you’ve answered me that that excuse might hold for the first time, but not for the second and the third. You’ve convicted me of deliberate cruelty on that. And I’ve never had anything to say. I couldn’t say anything, because the truth was; too preposterous. It wasn’t any use telling it before. But now I want you to know the real reason.
HE.
A new reason, eh?
SHE.
Something I’ve never confessed to you. Yes. It is true that I was cruel to you–deliberately. I did want to hurt you. And do you know why? I wanted to shatter that Olympian serenity of yours. You were too strong, too self-confident. You had the air of a being that nothing could hurt. You were like a god.
HE.
That was a long time ago. Was I ever Olympian? I had forgotten it. You succeeded very well–you shattered it in me.
SHE.
You are still Olympian. And I still hate you for it. I wish I could make you suffer now. But I have lost my power to do that.
HE.
Aren’t you contented with what you have done? It seems to me that I have suffered enough recently to satisfy even your ambitions.
SHE.
No–or you couldn’t talk like that. You sit there–making phrases. Oh, I have hurt you a little; but you will recover. You always recovered quickly. You are not human. If you were human, you would remember that we once were happy, and be a little sorry that all that is over. But you can’t be sorry. You have made up your mind, and can think of nothing but that.
HE.
That’s an interesting–and novel–explanation.
SHE.
I wonder if I can’t make you understand. Paul–do you remember when we fell in love?
HE.
Something of that sort must have happened to us.
SHE.
No–it happened to me. It didn’t happen to you. You made up your mind and walked in, with the air of a god on a holiday. It was I who fell–headlong, dizzy, blind. I didn’t want to love you. It was a force too strong for me. It swept me into your arms. I prayed against it. I had to give myself to you, even though I knew you hardly cared. I had to–for my heart was no longer in my own breast. It was in your hands, to do what you liked with. You could have thrown it in the dust.
HE.
This is all very romantic and exciting, but tell me
–did I throw it in the dust?
SHE.
It pleased you not to. You put it in your pocket. But don’t you realize what it is to feel that another person has absolute power over you? No, for you have never felt that way. You have never been utterly dependent on another person for happiness. I was utterly dependent on you. It humiliated me, angered me. I rebelled against it, but it was no use. You see, my dear, I was in love with you. And you were free, and your heart was your own, and nobody could hurt you.
HE.
Very fine–only it wasn’t true, as you soon found out.
SHE.
When I found it out, I could hardly believe it. It wasn’t possible. Why, you had said a thousand times that you would not be jealous if I were in love with some one else, too. It was you who put the idea in my head. It seemed a part of your super-humanness.