FullReads

When the resolution came up Mr. Solomon Barzinsky moved as an amendment that weekly be altered into ‘twice a week,’ since the member kept open on Friday night as well as Saturday.

The Parnass refused to accept the amendment. There was only one Sabbath a week, though it had two periods. ‘And the evening and the morning were one day.’

Mr. Peleg supported the amendment. They must not leave Mr. Simeon Samuels a loophole of escape. It was also, he said, the duty of the Council to buy a barometer the rogue had foisted upon him.

After an animated discussion, mainly about the barometer, the President accepted the amendment, but produced a great impression by altering ‘twice a week’ into ‘bi-weekly.’

A Mr. John Straumann, however, who prided himself on his style, and had even changed his name to John because Jacob grated on his delicate ear, refused to be impressed.

Committed bi-weekly by a member sounded almost jocose, he argued. ‘Buy! buy!’ it sounded like a butcher’s cry.

Mr. Enoch, the kosher butcher, rose amid excitement, and asked if he had come there to be insulted!

‘Sit down! sit down!’ said the Parnass roughly. ‘It’s no matter how the resolution sounds. It will be in writing.’

‘Then why not add,’ sarcastically persisted the stylist, ‘”Committed bi-weekly by a member by buying and selling.”‘

‘Order, order!’ said the Parnass angrily. ‘Those who are in favour of the resolution! Carried.’

‘By a majority,’ sneered the stylist, subsiding.

‘Mr. Secretary’–the President turned to the poor Reverend-of-all-work–‘you need not record this verbal discussion in the minutes.’

‘By request,’ said the stylist, reviving.

‘But what’s the use of the resolution if you don’t mention the member’s name?’ suddenly inquired Ephraim Mendel, stretching his long, languid limbs.

‘But there’s only one Sabbath-breaker,’ replied the Parnass.

‘To-day, yes, but to-morrow there might be two.’

‘It could hardly be to-morrow,’ said the stylist. ‘For that happens to be a Monday.’

Barzinsky bashed the table. ‘Mr. President, are we here for business or are we not?’

‘You may be here for business–I am here for religion,’ retorted Straumann the stylist.

‘You–you snub-nosed monkey, what do you mean?’

‘Order, order, gentlemen,’ said the Parnass.

‘I will not order,’ said Solomon Barzinsky excitedly. ‘I did not come here to be insulted.’

‘Insulted!’ quoth Straumann. ‘It’s you that must apologize, you illiterate icthyosaurus! I appeal to the President.’

‘You have both insulted me,’ was that worthy’s ruling. ‘I give the word to Mr. Mendel.’

‘But—-‘ from both the combatants simultaneously.

‘Order, order!’ from a dozen throats.

‘I said Simeon Samuels’ name must be put in,’ Mendel repeated.

‘You should have said so before–the resolution is carried now,’ said the President.

‘And a fat lot of good it will do,’ said Peleg. ‘Gentlemen, if you knew him as well as I, if you had my barometer to read him by, you’d see that the only remedy is to put him in Cherem‘ (excommunication).

‘If he can’t get buried it is a kind of Cherem,’ said the Gabbai.

‘Assuredly,’ added the Parnass. ‘He will be frightened to think that if he dies suddenly—-‘

‘And he is sure to take a sudden death,’ put in Barzinsky with unction.

‘He will not be buried among Jews,’ wound up the Parnass.

‘Hear, hear!’ A murmur of satisfaction ran round the table. All felt that Simeon Samuels was cornered at last. It was resolved that the resolution be sent to him.

XVI

‘Mr. Simeon Samuels requests me to say that he presents his compliments to the secretary of the Sudminster Hebrew Congregation, and begs to acknowledge the receipt of the Council’s resolution. In reply I am to state that Mr. Samuels regrets that his views on the Sabbath question should differ from those of his fellow-worshippers, but he has not attempted to impress his views on the majority, and he regrets that in a free country like England they should have imported the tyranny of the lands of persecution from which they came. Fortunately such procedure is illegal. By the act of Charles I. the Sabbath is defined as the Sunday, and as a British subject Mr. Samuels takes his stand upon the British Constitution. Mr. Samuels has done his best to compromise with the congregation by attending the Sabbath service on the day most convenient to the majority. In regard to the veiled threat of the refusal of burial rights, Mr. Samuels desires me to say that he has no intention of dying in Sudminster, but merely of getting his living there. In any case, under his will, his body is to be deported to Jerusalem, where he has already acquired a burying-place.’