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The Phantom ‘Rickshaw
by
In the fulness of time that dinner came to an end; and with genuine regret I tore myself away from Kittyas certain as I was of my own existence that It would be waiting for me outside the door. The red-whiskered man, who had been introduced to me as Doctor Heatherlegh, of Simla, volunteered to bear me company as far as our roads lay together. I accepted his offer with gratitude.
My instinct had not deceived me. It lay in readiness in the Mall, and, in what seemed devilish mockery of our ways, with a lighted head-lamp. The red-whiskered man went to the point at once, in a manner that showed he bad been thinking over it all dinner time.
I say, Pansay, what the deuce was the matter with you this evening on the Elysium road? The suddenness of the question wrenched an answer from me before I was aware.
That!. said I, pointing to It.
Thatmay be either D. T. or Eyes for aught I know. Now you dont liquor. I saw as much at dinner, so it cant be D. T. Theres nothing whatever where youre pointing, though youre sweating and trembling with fright like a scared pony. Therefore, I conclude that its Eyes. And I ought to understand all about them. Come along home with me. Im on the Blessington lower road.
To my intense delight the rickshaw instead of waiting for us kept about twenty yards aheadand this, too whether we walked, trotted, or cantered. In the course of that long night ride I had told my companion almost as much as I have told you here.
Well, youve spoiled one of the best tales Ive ever laid tongue to, said he, but Ill forgive you for the sake of what youve gone through. Now come home and do what I tell you; and when Ive cured you, young man, let this be a lesson to you to steer clear of women and indigestible food till the day of your death.
The rickshaw kept steady in front; and my red-whiskered friend seemed to derive great pleasure from my account of its exact whereabouts.
Eyes, Pansayall Eyes, Brain, and Stomach. And the greatest of these three is Stomach. Youve too much conceited Brain, too little Stomach, and thoroughly unhealthy Eyes. Get your Stomach straight and the rest follows. And all thats French for a liver pill. Ill take sole medical charge of you from this hour! for youre too interesting a phenomenon to be passed over.
By this time we were deep in the shadow of the Blessington lower road and the rickshaw came to a dead stop under a pine-clad, over-hanging shale cliff. Instinctively I halted too, giving my reason. Heatherlegh rapped out an oath.
Now, if you think Im going to spend a cold night on the hillside for the sake of a stomach-cum-Brain-cum-Eye illusion Lord, ha mercy!Whats that?
There was a muffled report, a blinding smother of dust just in front of us, a crack, the noise of rent boughs, and about ten yards of the cliff-side-pines. , undergrowth, and all-slid down into the road below, completely blocking it up. The uprooted trees swayed and tottered for a moment like drunken giants in the gloom, and then fell prone among their fellows with a thunderous crash. Our two horses stood motionless and sweating with fear. As soon as the rattle of falling earth and stone had subsided, my companion muttered:Man, if wed gone forward we should have been ten feet deep in our graves by now. There are more things in heaven and earth. … Come home, Pansay, and thank God. I want a peg badly.