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The Phantom ‘Rickshaw
by
I groaned and turned over to the other side.
Now youve got your choice, my friend. This engagement has to be broken off; and the Mannerings dont want to be too hard on you. Was it broken through D. T. or epileptic fits? Sorry I cant offer you a better exchange unless youd prefer hereditary insanity. Say the word and Ill tell em its fits. All Simla knows about that scene on the Ladies Mile. Come! Ill give you five minutes to think over it.
During those five minutes I believe that I explored thoroughly the lowest circles of the Inferno which it is permitted man to tread on earth. And at the same time I myself was watching myself faltering through the dark labyrinths of doubt, misery, and utter despair. I wondered, as Heatherlegh in his chair might have wondered, which dreadful alternative I should adopt. Presently I heard myself answering in a voice that I hardly recognized,
Theyre confoundedlyparticular about morality in these parts. Give em fits, Heatherlegh, and my love. Now let me sleep a bit longer.
Then my two selves joined, and it was only I (half crazed, devil-driven I) that tossed in my bed, tracing step by step the history of the past month.
But I am in Simla, I kept repeating to myself
. I, Jack Pansay, am in Simla and there are no ghosts here. Its unreasonable of that woman to pretend there are. Why couldnt Agnes have left me alone?I never did her any harm. It might just as well have been me as Agnes. Only Id never have come hack on purpose to kill her. Why cant I be left aloneleft alone and happy?
It was high noon when I first awoke: and the sun was low in the sky before I sleptslept as the tortured criminal sleeps on his rack, too worn to feel further pain.
Next day I could not leave my bed. Heatherlegh told me in the morning that he had received an answer from Mr. Mannering, and that, thanks to his (Heatherleghs) friendlyoffices, the story of my affliction had traveled through the length and breadth of Simla, where I was on all sides much pitied.
And thats rather more than you deserve,heconcluded, pleasantly, though the Lord knows youve been going through a pretty severe mill. Never mind; well cure you yet, you perverse phenomenon.
I declined firmly to be cured. Youve been much too good to me already, old man, said I; but I dont think I need trouble you further.
In my heart I knew that nothing Heatherlegh could do would lighten the burden that had been laid upon me.
With that knowledge came also a sense of hopeless, impotent rebellion against the unreasonableness of it all. There were scores of men no better than I whose punishments had at least been reserved for another world; and I felt that it was bitterly, cruelly unfair that I alone should have been singled out for so hideous a fate. This mood would in time give place to another where it seemed that the rickshaw and I were the only realities in a world of shadows; that Kitty was a ghost; that Mannering, Heatherlegh, and all the other men and women I knew were all ghosts; and the great, grey hills themselves but vain shadows devised to torture me. From mood to mood I tossed backward and forward for seven weary days; my body growing daily stronger and stronger, until the bedroom looking-glass told me that I had returned to everyday life, and was as other men once more. Curiously enough my face showed no signs of the struggle I had gone through. It was pale indeed, but as expressionless and commonplace as ever. I had expected some permanent alterationvisible evidence of the disease that was eating me away. I found nothing.