FullReads

“She’s a good boat, Sam, but smallish to ride out such a storm as this.”

“What a goat you are, Sam,” said Tombs, also crossly, “not to keep two ferry-boats, so that if one breaks down you have the other.”

“When we made up our minds to spend the winter here,” I said, “I ordered another; in fact, two. But they’re still building; and besides, what if the Hobo does break down? There’s plenty to eat and drink, I hope. Nobody would suffer much.”

“No,” said Billoo, “it would be no suffering for a business man to be storm-bound here during a probable panic in Wall Street!

“I’m tired,” I said, “of hearing you refer to yourself or any of these gentlemen as business men. You always gamble; and when you’re in good-luck you gambol, and when you aren’t, you don’t. What makes me sickest about you all is that you’re so nauseatingly conceited and self-important. You all think that your beastly old Stock Exchange is the axle about which the wheel of the world revolves, and each of you thinks, privately, that he’s the particular grease that makes it revolve smoothly.”

“Well,” said Billoo, “you know that the presence on the floor of one steady, conservative man may often avert a panic.”

“Show me the man,” I said. “Has any one here ever caused a panic or averted one? But you all lose money just as often because you’re on the spot, as make it. Wouldn’t you all be the richer for an absence now and then?”

“Of course,” said Randall, “there are times when it doesn’t matter one way or the other. But when–well, when the market’s in the state it is now, it’s life or death, almost, to be on the spot.”

“I don’t understand,” I said. “When the market looks fussy, why not sell out, and wait for better times?”

“We can’t sell out,” said Billoo. “We’re loaded up to the muzzle.”

“You look as if you had been,” I said courteously; but Billoo brushed the remark aside as if it had been a fly.

“If we try to unload,” he said, “the market begins to collapse. We can’t unload, except a little at a time, and still prices get lower and lower and margins thinner and thinner. Now, I happen to know”–he looked about him importantly–“that to-morrow will hear the failure of a very well-known house, and after that’s announced–God knows.”

“How true that is!” I said. “But tell me: suppose you gentlemen deliberately absented yourselves for a few days–wouldn’t it restore confidence? Wouldn’t the other brokers say: ‘Billoo, Randall, Tombs, Marshall, Bedlo, etc., don’t seem to think there’s much doing. None of ’em’s here–what’s the use of me being scared?'”

“It would have the contrary effect, Sam,” said Tombs solemnly. “They would think that we had decamped in a body for Canada.”

“I don’t know,” said I, “but it would be a better thing for the country if you all did ship to Canada–I don’t think there’s much doing out-doors to-day. Hear that wind!”

“If I can get rid of all my holdings,” said Billoo, “I’ll sit tight. We’ll see lower prices before we see higher.”

“Well,” said I, “I’ll bet you we don’t.”

“Young man,” said Billoo, and he looked almost well and happy, “just name your sum.”

“I’ll bet you a thousand,” I said.

“Sammy,” said Tombs very sweetly, “have you got another thousand up your sleeve?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Done with you,” said Tombs.

In about five minutes I had bet with everybody present.

“But mind,” I said, “there mustn’t be any dirty work. You people mustn’t go to town to-morrow with the idea of forming a strong coalition and putting prices down.”

“It wouldn’t be worth while,” said Billoo. “As a matter of fact, we’d like nothing better than to see you win your bet, but as you can’t, possibly–why, a thousand dollars is always a thousand dollars.”

“Just the same,” said I, “no coalitions.”

The wind went on howling till late in the afternoon and then it began to peter out. We had spent the whole day in the house, and everybody was tired and bored, and nervous about Monday, and bedtime came earlier than usual.