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PAGE 7

Hi-Spy-Hi!
by [?]

Alas for these premature congratulations! They were to be rudely shattered within forty-eight hours, and by a letter addressed to Captain Pond in Colonel Taubmann’s handwriting:–

“Dear Sir,–The warmth of my reception on Tuesday and the hospitality of the good people of Looe–a hospitality which, pray be assured, I shall number amongst my most pleasant recollections–constrain me to write these few friendly words covering the official letter you will receive by this or the next post. In the hurry of leave-taking I had no time to discuss with you certain shortcomings which I was compelled to note in the gunnery of the E. and W. Looe Volunteer Artillery, or to suggest a means of remedy. But, to be brief, I think a fortnight’s or three weeks’ continuous practice away from all local distractions, and in a battery better situated than your own for the requirements of effective coast-defence, will give your company that experience for which mere enthusiasm, however admirable in itself, can never be an entirely satisfactory substitute.

“On the 2nd of next month the company (No. 17) of the R.A. at present stationed at Pendennis Castle, Falmouth, will be sailing for Gibraltar on active service. Their successors, the 22nd Company, now at Chatham, will not be due to replace them until the New Year. And I have advised that your company be ordered down to the Castle to fill up the interval with a few weeks of active training.

“May I say that I was deeply impressed by the concern you show in the health of your men? I agreed with well-nigh everything you said to me on this subject, and am confident you will in turn agree with me that nothing conduces more to the physical well-being of a body of troops, large or small, than an occasional change of air.

“With kind regards and a request that you will remember me to the ladies who contributed so much to the amenities of my visit.– Believe me, dear sir, your obedient servant,

“H. R. Taubmann (Lieut.-Colonel R.A.).”

I will dare to say that Colonel Taubmann never fired a shot in his life– round-shot, bomb or grenade, grape or canister–with a tithe of the effect wrought by this letter. For a whole day Looe was stunned, dismayed, desolated.

“And in Christmas week, of all holy seasons!” commented Gunner Spettigew. “And the very first Christmas the Die-hards have started a goose club!”

“And this,” said Sergeant Pengelly, with bitter intonation, “is Peace on Earth and Good-will toward men, or what passes for such in the regulars. Wi’ the carol-practisin’ begun too, an’ nobody left behind to take the bass!”

“Tis the Army all over!” announced William Henry Phippin, who had served as bo’sun’s mate under Lord Howe. “I always was in two minds about belongin’ to that branch o’ the Service: for, put it how you will, ’tis a come-down for a fellow that has once known the satisfaction to march ahead of ’em. There was a sayin’ we had aboard the old Queen Charlotte— ‘A messmate afore a shipmate,’ we said, ‘an’ a shipmate afore a dog, an’ a dog, though he be a yellow dog, afore a sojer.’ But what vexes me is the triumphant arches we wasted on such a chap.”

“My love,” said the Doctor to his spouse, “I congratulate you on your fancy for professional soldiers. You are married to one, anyway.”

“Dearest!”

“It comes to that, or very nearly.” He groaned. “To be separated for three weeks from my Araminta! And at this time of all others!”–for the lady was again expecting to become a mother: as in due course (I am happy to say) she did, and presented him with a bouncing boy and was in turn presented with a silver cradle. But this, though the great event of the Doctor’s mayoralty, will not excuse a longer digression.