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PAGE 2

Diana And The Lions
by [?]

Diana was somewhat confused and benumbed by these personally conducted biographies, but she was too well-bred not to appear interested.

“How lovely,” she murmured, “to sit between two such Great Personages! I wonder what brought poor little Me to such an honor. And, by the way, how do you happen to be just here? What is this beautiful building behind you? Is it your Palace?”

“It is a Library,” said the Academic Lion, with a superior tone.

“The biggest book-heap in America,” said the Magazine Lion in his vivid way. “We have them all beaten to a finish–except the old junk-shop down in Washington.”

“You forget Boston,” said the Academic Lion.

“Who wouldn’t?” growled the Magazine Lion.

“Do you mean to tell me,” asked Diana, with her most engaging and sprightly air, “that this splendid place is a Library, all full of books, and that you are its most prominent figures, its figureheads, so to speak? How interesting! I have travelled a great deal–under the name of Pasht or Bast, in Egypt, where the Cats liked me; and under the name of Artemis in Greece; and under my own name in Italy. Believe me, I have seen all things that the moon shines upon. But I do not remember having seen Lions on a Library before. How original! How appropriate! How suggestive! But what does it suggest? What are you here for?”

“For educational purposes,” said the Academic Lion.

“To catch the eye,” said the Magazine Lion, “same as head-lines in a newspaper.”

“I see,” exclaimed Diana. “You are here to keep the people from getting at the books? How modern!”

This remark made the Academic Lion look like a Sphinx, as if he knew something but did not want to tell. But the Magazine Lion was distinctly flattered.

“Right you are,” said he cheerfully, “or next door to it. We don’t propose to keep the people out, only the authors. Why, when this place was publicly opened there was not a single author in the exhibit, except John Bigelow.”

“Why did you not keep him out?” asked Diana.

“We were not on the spot, then,” said the Lion. “Besides, there are some things that even a Lion does not dare to do.”

“But I do not understand,” said Diana, “precisely why authors should be kept away from a library.”

The Magazine Lion laughed. “Silly little thing!” he said, with a fascinating tone of virile condescension. “An author’s business is to write books, not to read them. If he reads, he grows intelligent and thoughtful and careful about his work. Those old books spoil him for the modern market. But if he just goes ahead and writes whatever comes into his head, he can do it with a bang, and everybody sits up and pays attention. That’s the only way to be original. See?”

“Excuse me,” broke in the Academic Lion, “but you go too far, brother. Authors should be encouraged to read, but only under critical guidance and professorial direction. Otherwise they will not be able to classify the books, and tabulate their writers, and know which ones to admire and praise. How can you expect a mere author to comprehend the faulty method of Shakespeare, or the ethical commonplaceness of Dickens and Thackeray, or the vital Ibsenism of Bernard Shaw and the other near-Ibsens, without assistance?”

“But the other people,” asked Diana, “what is going to happen to them if you let them go in free and browse among the books?”

“They are less important,” answered the Academic Lion. “Besides we expect soon to establish a cranial, neurological, and psychopathic examination which will determine the subliminal, temperamental needs of every applicant. Then we classify the readers in groups, and the books in lists, and the whole thing works with automatic precision.”

“And I am going to make the book-lists!” said the Magazine Lion, ecstatically wagging his tail, and half-unconsciously putting hi
s paw around the lady’s waist in a spirit of pure comradeship.

But she gently slipped away, stood up, and gracefully covered a yawn with her hand.

“I am ever so much obliged to you Literary Lions for not eating me,” said she. “Probably I should have disagreed with you even more than your conversation has with me. I am quite sleepy. And the moon has almost disappeared. I must be going where I can bid it good night.”