FullReads

“Tydides, how on earth have we forgot
Our old impetuous courage?”[477]

and,

“Now are we all not worth one single Hector.”[478]

In this mild way did Socrates rebuke young men, as not himself without ignorance, but one that needed in common with them to prosecute virtue, and seek truth. For they gain goodwill and influence, who seem to have the same faults as their friends, and desire to correct themselves as well as them. But he who is high and mighty in setting down another, as if he were himself perfect and without any imperfections, unless he be of a very advanced age, or has an acknowledged reputation for virtue and worth, does no good, but is only regarded as a tiresome bore. And so it was wisely done of Phoenix to relate his own mishaps, how he had meant killing his father, but quickly repented at the thought “that he would be called by the Achaeans parricide,”[479] that he might not seem to be rebuking Achilles, as one that had himself never suffered from excess of rage. For kindness of this sort has great influence, and people yield more to those who seem to be sympathetic and not supercilious. And since we ought not to expose an inflamed eye to a strong light, and a soul a prey to the passions cannot bear unmixed reproof and rebuke, one of the most useful remedies will be found to be a slight mixture of praise, as in the following lines,

“Ye will not sure give up your valiant courage,
The best men in the host! I should not care
If any coward left the fight, not I;
But you to do so cuts me to the heart.”[480]

And,

“Where is thy bow, where thy wing’d arrows, Pandarus,
Where thy great fame, which no one here can match?”[481]

Such language again plainly cheers very much those that are down as,

“Where now is Oedipus, and his famous riddles?”[482]

and,

“Does much-enduring Hercules say this?”[483]

For not only does it soften the harsh imperiousness of censure, but also, by reminding a man of former noble deeds, implants a desire to emulate his former self in the person who is ashamed of what is low, and makes himself his own exemplar for better things. But if we make a comparison between him and other men, as his contemporaries, his fellow-citizens, or his relations, then the contentious spirit inherent in vice is vexed and exasperated, and is often apt to chime in angrily, “Why don’t you go off to my betters then, and leave off bothering me?” We must therefore be on our guard against praising others, when we are rebuking a man, unless indeed it be their parents, as Agamemnon says in Homer,

“Little like Tydeus is his father’s son!”[484]

or as Odysseus in the play called “The Scyrians,”[485]

“Dost thou card wool, and thus the lustre smirch
Of thy illustrious sire, thy noble race?”

Sec. XXXIV. But it is by no means fitting when rebuked to rebuke back, and when spoken to plainly to answer back, for that soon kindles a flame and causes dissension; and generally speaking such altercation will not look so much like a retort as an inability to bear freedom of speech. It is better therefore to listen patiently to a friend’s rebuke, for if he should afterwards do wrong himself and so need rebuke, he has set you the example of freedom of speech. For being reminded without any malice, that he himself has not been accustomed to spare his friends when they have done wrong, but to convince them and show them their fault, he will be the more inclined to yield and give himself up to correction, as it will seem a return of goodwill and kindness rather than scolding or rage.